Monday, December 5, 2011

Morning Ramblings

Hi Guys,

Happy New Week to everyone! It's 1am and I'm still up doing what, I don't know.
I have so much to do/ get done before I leave for Naija in a few days. I feel a lil' bit overwhelmed...and I hope at the end of the day I enjoy this trip. Honestly, not sure what to expect. In a way I feel like something's missing...because normally there would be the excitement of going home to a special someone. But I'll make it work somehow...I have a way of making things work at the end of the day.

Every year, I tell myself I won't by things for people back home. Just one or two things for one or two people...and every year that plan never happens. *sigh* Dreading having to sign in and check my account right now...but its hard to go home and look at my younger nephews, cousins, grandma, aunties etc and say "Hi, I came home empty handed!" Guilt will gnaw at my insides. Plus, I know if the reverse were the case, I would like to receive to a thing or two from a family member who came from Yankee on hols. The smiles on their faces, the hugs from the little ones...and the prayers of the adults make it all worth it at the end of the day.

Speaking of prayers, I normally say the prayers of a Mother are powerful...and they are so irresistible to God. I thank God for my Mother's prayers, cos heaven knows if I had to depend on mine alone...e for hard. I started praying again lately (again, because I had been finding it difficult to do for a while) and I'm asking for wisdom and guidance from above. I need these two things to help me make the right decisions in my life. People find it funny when I say this, but I always add too that God should please smack me upside my head with what to do...because if He gives me signs or 'speaks' to me I might not see it or hear it, and I might just miss it. But yeah when you say your prayers, please take 10secs to plug me in too...:) Thanks.

*sigh* I love LOVE. I'm watching Grey's Anatomy re-runs, and this episode is when Meredith and Derek signed their marriage post it and Issey and O'Malley die. And basically the question for this episode is did you tell the people/person you love that you love them when you had the chance to, because it might all be gone tomorrow. *sigh* It's hard to do sometimes when the person you love doesn't love you back tho...but regardless we should say it and show it while we still can...tomorrow, the next minute is never guaranteed. I break down it tears when I hear stories of ppl who wake up, go out and for some stupid reason like a drunk driver, store robbery, stray bullet etc end up dead and never make it back home :( Lord protect us all!

2012 is around the corner and well...honestly, I'm not sure what to expect or plan for yet. 2011 went by so fast...I remember Jan 2011 like it was 3months ago.

Anyways, it's 1.40am and I should be in zzzz land. If anyone is going to be in Naija and wants to hang out or meet up, drop a message! It'll be nice to meet fellow bloggers. :)

Have an awesome kick-ass week everyone! 

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

My 1st...Black Friday

Hello there me Darlings,

Hope everyone is enjoying the Thanksgiving break, and taking sometime to be thankful, get some rest and be with family and loved ones. My extended family here in the Amerix is all over the country so ermm there won't be any big thanksgiving family gathering. My Mom will be working, so I'll be home by meself. Not complaining, I'm used to it. 

Since my Mom's working on Thursday, decided to take her to go see the Radio City Music Hall show on Friday when she's off. I've never really done Christmas-y things in NY, and I think NY is one of the best cities during Christmas 'cos the lights, themed store windows, and just the holiday spirit in general. Looking forward to the show. If you're in the area, I think it's something you should check-out. Link here >>>

I've never woken up to shop on black Friday. The only time I've been up for black Friday was when I used to work in retail, and even then I worked in the cash-office and not on the sales floor so I never really experienced the madness. Well this year, I'll be shopping or at least trying to *sigh*. I'm not going to camp out and join the stampede, but I'll be out early and hopefully I get what I'm looking for. What you ask? Two main things: A tablet and a camera. My camera got missing during my b'day celebration in July and I had my graduation pics on it that I hadn't uploaded :'( (priceless memories). And yeah, I want a tablet. I don't necessarily need one. I think. Trying to decide between the Blackberry Playbook, iPad, and Amazon Kindle Fire. I honestly don't like the size of the iPad...too big for me...if it was the size of the others I'd willingly splurge on it, but that size is not attractive to me at all :(

I wish I had my own place, this would be the best time to shop for things at great prices! TVs for as low as $500, sofas for $299, etc anyways till then.

I love having people around. I love having people I care about around me. Growing up I never really had lots of people my age around except @ whenever I'm around good friends, I'm happy. And I had a happy moment this weekend @ a close friends house, a bunch of us were huddled on the bed, watching the not so great AMAs and laughing and talking, and in that very moment, I was happy. I wish I had more of those happy moments.

Cramps! Cramps! Cramps! *sigh* I honestly don't know if my mood is ever affected by the time of the month *shrug* I've never really monitored it to see if I have extra mood swings or all that PMSing behavior. On a normal day, my mood can be as unsteady as a yo-yo, and I can cry for a whole village. The other day I was watching Private Practice, and it was the episode where the doctors were carrying out an intervention for their drug addict co-worker/friend...let's just say I cried on behalf of all the characters. 
Lol the other day I found out my cousin whom I remember carrying as baby, just got admission into Uni to study Mech Engineering and I burst into tears! I mean they were tears of joy, and gratitude to God for his achievements, but still if you saw me and didn't know why, you would think something went wrong lol I'm such a softie @ heart sha.

Speaking of the heart, why are matters of the heart so complicated? Why can't they just be 1+1 = 2? Why do feelings and emotions have to be so complicated? Regardless of how little they might be they are so powerful. Why is it that after you end a relationship the feelings and emotions don't come to an end? Why is it that when you like someone, these same feelings and emotions go up and down like a yo-yo? U tell yourself you won't/you shouldn't like this person, but then find yourself doing the opposite? Why is the dating process so complicated or is it just me? Should I be liking this person? Do I really like this person? Or am I just trying to fill a void? Is it too early to like a person...and all the many other complicated questions that exist. Ugh! abeg I'm tired of this roller coaster.

Few more weeks till I head home to Naij for the hols...lots of events and people to see and chill with in Lagos, but my family is Benin and Lord knows that city is dead. I wonder how my fam would feel if I spent Christmas in Lagos instead and then the other part of my time with them in Benin. I love my family, but to spend all that ticket money to just sit at home watching tv isn't what I had in mind. 

Anyways, have a happy and thankful thanksgiving...take time to appreciate the people in your life. 

Hugs and Kisses,
Miss Enigma!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Random. Honest. Me.

Y'ello there me darlings,

How's everyone's week going so far? Hope great! It's funny how I can put together well organized post in my head and then when I get on here, I go blank; and stare at my screen for ages. Oh well, you will have to do with the disorganized ramblings of my thoughts.

I went for my pole dancing class only once :( I had to miss yesterday's class to prep for a pitch meeting with a major tv station (praying for a positive outcome in Jesus name). Neways I have one class left this Thursday and I am not missing it for anything. I enjoyed the first class. It was shocking to see regular everyday, working chics who have been taking the class and now have pro moves! I'm like dang it must feel real good to be able to work that pole, and also treat your man once in a while. But dang my right wrist and upper arm were hurting afterwards...but it was worth it. Learned a few moves, don't know when I'll put them to use though lol but I'll keep 'em in my bag of tricks for a rainy day. If you've never taken a class, you definitely should. It's not dirty or vulgar as some people might think. It's just exercise really.

Up next are my Latin/Salsa dance classes :) Woot woot! 

I'm not the confrontational type. I just can't...especially with friends and people close to me. When some close to me upsets me, I just withdraw like a snail, into its shell. I give the person space, silent treatment and just avoid it. Why? Because I don't trust my tongue especially when I'm hurt or mad. I have the ability to say something that can be really, rude, hurtful and rather than say something have to apologize for it later. And take it from someone who can hold on to words, there are certain things (words) that hurt so much and even after an apology it still hurts. But yeah, I've been withdrawn for weeks in progress.

#Random I just got this really nice chiffon, long sleeve top from F21. iLove! Been wanting one for a long time now. Wore it to a friend's b'day thing this weekend and everyone loved it too.

Excited and anxious for December...not sure how things are going to go but time will tell. God dey.

The other day my Mom and I are grocery shopping, and I'm teasing her about the huge tub of ice-cream she put in the cart...and she's like please allow me to pamper myself...I want to be pampered but since there's no one to pamper me, I'll pamper myself. *sigh* We laughed it off. But Lord how I wish I could change that for her. Even in old age, nobody wants to be lonely. But unfortunately, she's not one to date, and truth is even she wanted to she wouldn't know how to...where to start from. My Dad was here first and only boyfriend. Speaking of my Dad, it's been a minute since I called him...I should fix that this week.

As much as I like my personal space and privacy, I do not like being lonely either. I've been trying the whole be by myself and all thing for a few weeks, but there's nothing like companionship. And so I went back to spending time with someone who I kinda sorta shouldn't be spending time with, dnt judge me orelse I won't tell y'all stuff anymore lol. I just enjoy taking walks, going to see a movie, grabbing lunch...going alone ain't fun and my close friends are man'd up. I don't like being the third wheel *shrugs* It is well.

Speaking of movies, I saw Real Steel featuring Hugh Jackman two weekends ago, and iLoved it! Really good movie. If you haven't seen it, you def should. Robot and Kid = Cuteness! :) 

In other news, it is true what they say about Dogs and Babies being chic magnets for guys! I was on the train this weekend and this dude and his GF got on the train, and the guy was holding this really cute, fit in one hand kinda dog and immediately everyone's attention was on him. Chics were gravitating towards him, smiling and petting the dog, asking questions and all and from there small talk. Meanwhile, the girlfriend was there just overlooked and forgotten lol.         

Aiight, I think I've talked/written enough, let me stop before I bore you. Before I go let me jst say I wasn't happy with Tiwa Savage's Love Me (3x) video. Production, casting and all were on point but the story line was non existent and I felt there was so much material with the lyrics of the song to work with. *sigh* oh well.

Ok that's it for real! Have a great Tuesday evening and do things that make you happy, and allow you to sleep easy at night!

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!        

Thursday, October 6, 2011

"I Was Here..."

Hallo there,

How's everyone doing? Hope your week has been great so far! It's Thursday already, and the weekend is around the corner! Time is flying!

RIP Steve Jobs. Yesterday the world lost a very, very innovative mind. I wasn't a religious follower of his work, life and achievements, but his impact on the world as we all know it today, is profound. It is everywhere. I am currently typing from a Mac. I've also never listened to his famous 2005 Stanford commencement speech, but I've read excerpts of it here and there. One of the many lines that I've read over and over again is this one;

You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

There are sooo many other really good and meaning quotes from his entire life. I'll share some as time goes on. I was listening to Beyonce's "I Was Here" earlier on today, and I think the song has the perfect lyrics for the way in which Steve Jobs led his live, and encouraged the rest of us to. May his soul rest in peace, and may the good Lord give his family the fortitude to bear the loss.

So moving on, remember how I said I needed to get my butt off of my couch and do stuff! Yeah, so I just remembered that I had bought some LivingSocial coupon for pole dancing classes in early Spring. :) And they are expiring this week! So I called up the place and out of courtesy they allowed me to still use them even after the expiration date. I have 4 classes scheduled over the next two weeks! Funny thing, I looked at the address and the studio is located 5mins from where an apartment I wanted to move into is. *sigh* I knew that apartment was 'the one'! If only I would find a room-mate!!!

In addition to the pole dancing classes, I also just got a coupon for unlimited Salsa/Latin dance classes for one month! It was only 30bucks! If you know me well, you wld know I love to dance! Sometimes I prefer dancing alone sef, cos then I dnt have to move according to someone elses rhythm or pace. It's the one thing that makes me happy. I've always wanted to take dance classes, hip-hop is next on the list! I'm so happy the studios are all close to my job so I can just walk in and take a 10min train too. 

Part of the my reasons for letting go, of my pretty good relationship asides from the distance issue, was fear. Fear that I was giving all myself to something/someone and that I hadn't lived. I'll explain more another day, but for now I'm going to try and just live, love myself, and make an impact. So I'm going to start with this dance thing. And then I can check that off my list. :) 

I've got to run now...It's 5.22pm and I need to go thread my eyebrows and grab diner or something with a friend who's visiting.

Have a blessed evening!

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!  

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Shoegasms + Sunday Blues

Happy Sunday to everyone.

I've been battling whether to blog or not. But there's some form of temporary relief I get from putting up a post. It's kind of like a letter in a bottle kind of moment. It's not directed at anyone, but just putting out there in the universe and letting it go wherever it may. Excuse me if this post comes off all disjointed and a tad bit unorganized but I could careless at the moment.

I haven't been to church in months. I was away from home most of the summer weekends, and now its fall and having to walk in the cold to and fro, just discourages me. Is it something I'm happy about? Def not. I think I need a new church too. My current church is the Salvation Army church (yeah, besides helping the needy, they do have a church. Lots of people don't know that) and its a great church structure for the most part. But this branch, doesn't have people my age. I kind of feel different, I don't know why. And its so so small a congregration that the Pastors know everyone individually. When I listen to praise songs I like to boogy down, but I can't cos everyone is gonna look at me like "What is wrong with her" *shy face* I want a church where I can dance for the Lord with other people, and not be singled out. Its just older folks at this church. *sigh* Am I wrong to want this? Or feel this way? 

Fall is here. And I am not excited, neither am I a fan. Me and cold in any form are not friends. I love warmth. But it is what it is right? So I've got to deal with it. I can believe we are in October already! I still remember Jan 2011. Christmas is around the corner. I hope when I look back on this year, I'll be happy with how far I've come. Amen.

I cried today. And that's why I'm here blogging. Blogging is temporarily therapeutic. I start off, delete, start again delete. Asking how much is too much to write, to share. I worry about people using something I put on here to hurt me...then I shdn't put anything on here u might say; I guess I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I try as much as I can to not live my life based on other people's rules or expectations.

So yeah, I cried today. Can't remember the last time I cried...scratch that I just did lol. About a month ago and it was out of anger. Today's was just as a result of holding it in, holding it together and getting through. I guess my poor eyes, and heart couldn't hold anymore. They needed to pour out and make room. :)
It's funny the thing that triggers my breakdowns. My Sis called, and the conversation was mono-syllabic and just disconnected. And then she asks, "Are you okay?"...I mumbled "I'm fine," hung up ten seconds later and the water works were in full effect. The ugly cry. 

And now as I type, the tears are streaming down. :) *sigh* MsUndercover. So what's the problem you ask? I'm honestly not sure I know...or maybe I do and can't really share. It's been about two months plus and I miss him. I miss the friendship the most. This is what happens when your boyfriend is also a lose both. As much as I want to talk to him, I restrain myself from reaching out, because I don't want to send out the wrong message...and make him think that I want us back, because wanting us back will mean I am willing to commit to a long distance rship for the time being...and that I cannot promise. I do not have the strength and will power for that. And it will be selfish of me to reach out to fulfill my need for my bestfriend, when he's hurting for a relationship lost. So instead of dragging him on to this roller-coaster of emotions that I'm on, I leave him be. 

I need new friends  acquaintances in my life. People to do things with and help keep me busy, distracted and generally help get me out of this depressed mood. I don't like it. I need a distraction, and no not a male distraction, I haven't learned how to not get attached yet so until then no men for me. There are so many activities in this crazy NY, but my commute won't allow me partake :( . This is why I want to move so bad...Lord find me a room-mate please!

In other less depressing news, I went shopping yesterday. People eat when they are down, I shop. Plus I haven't gone shopping in weeksss! So I indulged heavily yesterday X_X. Don't judge me. Neways, the shoe-goddesses were on my side yesterday 'cos I don't know how else to explain these:

Halston from Bakers for $39.99!!!

Jessica Simpson from TJMaxx for $39.99!!!

For someone who doesn't go out often, wears jeans and a top to work Mon - Fri, and stays indoors most weekends, I should not be buying shoes lol. But c'mon at 40 bucks, these were a good deal! My other weakness, skirts! Especially the ones with pockets! I like them cos you can wear them in Summer, and also in Fall and Spring too with tights :) *sigh* The things that make my heart go pitter patter. 

Aiight me darlings, see the tears have stopped flowing, for now...I pray it stays this way all through the week and through next weekend! Let me go and try and prepare for the week, and generally be productive. All this crying, and things I dnt like at allllllllll!!!!! Mba nu! But yeah, if you're ever in the NY area please, please holla...I need people who will motivate and drag me out from underneath this warm duvet and bed that I plant myself in Fri - Sun. It's NOT the way forward, and it's not me! I'm the girl who loves to have a good time, wants everyone to have a good time too! But above all, put me in your prayers...for strength from the Lord, and guidance.

Have a wonderful and blessed week everyone!

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma :) 

Saturday, September 17, 2011

...Are You Happy?

Hi Guys,

It's been a very very long minute.
Sorry my life got a bit chaotic, and just had to take some time off here.
Work is going okay...6months so far and it kinda feels longer than that. Bless God for everything.
My side gig is going good, baby-steps in the right direction hopefully. Was part of a big Naija event recently and I am grateful for the experience and the connections made. God go continue go dey make me bigger in Jesus name.

I was reading Neefemi's post about a friend asking her if she was happy...and that's a question I've been asking myself and everybody has been asking me in the past two months plus. And I still don't know what my answer is. What is happiness? How do you measure happiness? Is happiness a fleeting moment? Is it a conscious decision regardless of what's happening within and around you? How do you decide to be happy when somewhere within you there are questions of what-if, nagging at you and tugging at you?

So yeah, I don't know if I am happy, because I am not exactly sure what this happiness truly is. But there are moments during my day when I smile. When I'm drowning heavy in my PR work, keeping busy, surrounded by people, having a good time and in good company, I don't feel low, or sad. I laugh, I dance, I smile, I give hugs, air kisses and I can be described as bubbly. But then there are those moments, usually when it's just me, myself and I, when I'm having conversations in my head and playing back the tape of my life so far and daydreaming of what the future could possibly hold, I can't help but wonder and ask myself questions.

Did I make the right decision? They say it's usually toughest just before dawn. Did I give up just before dawn? Am I such a heartless, and selfish person for walking away when I was needed? *sigh* I'm not the most generous or kindest or a Mother Teresa kind of person, but I do the best I can to be there for people close to me and whom I love. And in times like this when I'm the one now causing someone and in a way myself pain and hurt, it sucks! It really does. But God knows I tried. I believe I did. And as much as I would like to hang in there, and be strong... I just don't have the strength to keep on. I feel drained. 
If you watch Grey's Anatomy and remember when Meredith was drowning and refused to swim or save herself...and Derek kept asking her why? That's what this feels like.

I just can't will myself, my heart and my mind to hold on. I'm just there watching as it slips away and I just can't will myself to hold on. And before u say oh isn't it worth fighting for? It is. But I dnt have the strength. *sigh* I wonder if I'll regret letting a really good one go. Will I ever find one just as good or even better? They say its hard to find these days...but that if you get back on the scene, take ur time and pray u'll find a good one. Problem is I've never really been on the scene, so I feel like a fish out of water. Having to start all over, learn a new person all over, likes and dislikes, their past, present and dreams, to begin building all over *sigh*

I miss companionship
I miss conversations; deep and trivial
I miss jokes; new and repeated
I miss arguments; nah not really
I miss the endearing name calling
I miss the understanding that comes with time together
I miss feeling like part of a team
I miss knowing that I'm someone's woman
I miss my bestfriend; real bad

What I don't miss?

I don't miss having to wait 11months to be kissed, held and cuddled
I don't miss having to wait 11months before cooking and eating together
I don't miss coming home to loneliness and a cold bed and wishing
I don't miss the numbness I get from typing for hours on bbm
I don't miss not being able to make weekend plans even if it meant hopping on a plane to go visit him a few hrs away...

My point is distance sucks! It's not like ending the relationship means I get to do all these things it doesn't. But at least I'm in not in pain of longing and wishing and hoping. Now I just know I dnt have it at all, than to have it and its out of reach. I miss him sometimes. But they say time heals. I just hope I didn't let "the one" go.

Let me go and eat and try and be productive for the remaining 6 hours of the day. I've been trying to immerse myself in work cos when I'm busy I don't have time to think or feel or second guess...but as for happiness, I don't really know what it means but from hour to hour, day to day I try to find a smile here, or a laugh there and just be. I've never really been single so this is new to me, I'm trying to enjoy it and find myself lol these are terms single ppl sometimes use to deceive themselves lol but its all good. It is well!

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Day #14: What I Wore To Work...

Hi Guys,

Just a quick collage post for this blog challenge thing (yes I am still struggling, *sigh* so much is going on right now). 

Anyways this is what I wore to work yesterday. I'm so happy that my industry does not require us to wear business casual's jeans and tops, skirts and summery dresses, and even flip flops sef.

Anyways gotta go, its past 1am and I need some zzzz :) 

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Day #13: My Statistics Are...

Hi Me Darlings,

TGIF!!! Cheers to the weekend! I'll drink to that! So this is going to be the first weekend in a while that my butt is gonna be home! Usually on Fridays after work I head over to my friends place in Jersey to spend the weekend and go to work from there on Mon and Tues. We always have fun, chilling and just being with friends. Growing up I never really had friends coming over to my house to chill or spend house was on the outskirts of town, kinda like in the not so developed part of town so the commute wasn't fun. I used to feel like a trapped princess, stuck in our white house with fence all around. We had dogs that used to scare ppl in the neighborhood so ppl were scared of even coming close lol story for another day.

Glad that you guys liked my 5 attractive men...yummy pieces of creation lol. So today's challenge is to write about "My Body and How Comfortable I am in it"

Petite. Compact. Tiny. Portable. now you get the picture. These words are words that have been/are used to describe me. I'm 5ft tall, my statistics are roughly 32-24-34...clothes wise, I wear size 0, 00, 1, 2, XXS, XS, S depending on the brand because some brands cut their sizes bigger than normal. Shoe size I'm a 6 1/2 -7 depending on whether they are pumps, sandals or flats etc. There are days when I love my body and my size and then there are days and times when I'm not a fan...but for the most part I'm pretty much happy with me body :) 

Even though I was asleep when God was sharing height, I was def in the front lines when he was sharing boobs, so that kind of makes up. Not just becos boobs are attractive but becos it helps me to fill out clothes nicely...and so tops and dresses have nice fit...and I dnt look like a 15yr old. The ass region is not bad for my size but i prefer to call it a "sitting device" as opposed to a "booty" lol. Somedays my tummy dsnt cooperate and I wonder if I might be expecting, but most times it stays decent and dsnt protrude lol.

I'm not my body's biggest fan when I shop at times. This is because American sizes are not true to size. Because howelse can a dress say size 2 or Small and still look like I'm wearing Madea's dress? How? So whenever I see something that fits I jst buy it...because who knws when it'll come in handy. Also I dnt have a lot of store options: F21, H&M, Charlotte Russe, Strawberry, Zara and then chinko stores that are hit and miss...that's about it.

I also sometimes feel awkward when I'm in the midst of people who are way taller and bigger. I feel so tiny, but then once I get comfortable that feeling fades away.

Perks about my size are that people are willing to help for the most part...for example when I'm travelling and I get on the plane I jst stand in the middle of the aisle and look cute and helpless and some dude quickly helps me put my hand luggage in the over head compartment...well its either they help or the luggage go block road for everybody lol.
I also find it interesting when people underestimate me because of my size and then they , meet me, my personality and who I really am and they are like wow :) it makes me smile.

Then there's the vain part of me that loves the attention I get when I'm all dressed up and I walk into a place...and everyone notices me. I always tell myself if I was average height I'd blend in with everybody else...but with my size I don't. I have stretch marks on my butt and they don't faze me one bit, I love 'em lol I have one or two cellulite dimples and thats it, those dnt bother me either. I do wanna gain a bit more weight, I always say its good to give a guy something to hold lol x_x but no guy has complained yet. The guy that will make a negative comment will def not be getting beyond the friendship zone! #ThatIsAll

Anyways, like every other female there are days when I'm not crazy about my bod, but for the most part I love my body! I don't workout, but I dance for about 2-3hours :) I need tot ke cre of what I put in my body tho :( I eat junk food...I jst hope it dsnt catch up with me later on. My Mom is still hot and she's almost 60! Mama got a bootyyyy and a nice figure I pray I look like her when I'm older too.

Have a great weekend everyone!!! 

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!     

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Day #12:

Hi Guys,

How's everyone doing? Hope great! As I type this post, it's about 5.05pm and I'm rounding up for the day, so I decided to quickly put this up before my evening gets crazy with my side gig work and before you know it the day will be over.

So for today's challenge, I need to list 5 men I find attractive :) hehehe! Why only 5 though? lol...anyways so here are my 5 men. In no particular order and for quite obvious to the eye reasons, I find these men yummy and lip smacking hot! 

- Josh Duhamel: Hubby to Black Eyed Peas Fergie, and one of the reasons why I love the movie series Transformers. There's this laidback, cool thing about him that makes him seem like you can jst chill in a no need for pretty dresses and makeup to impress him kinda way. Just a clean shirt, denim shorts and sme lip-gloss will be jst fine.
Jesse Williams: He plays Dr Avery on Grey's Anatomy...*le sigh* his EYES! #ThatIsAll

- Will Smith: I'm in love with the Smith family...GOOD GENES! May my children be fine, but yeah their father...hmmm. There's jst smething about a man that has great dress sense, is funny but at the same time has a great appreciation for life and u can see it with the way he has managed to keep his family including his ex-wife together...and drama free. I respect that and kudos to both Jada and the other woman.

- Denzel Washington: If I was wealthy enough, I'd pay money for my Mom to have a date with this man...she's in love with him. She dsnt knw names of a lot of celebrities but she knws his name! I have a soft spot for him too...dude seems to be aging gracefully too and still looking fresh. (This is an older pic tho)

- Patrick Dempsey: I've loved Dr McDreamy since the beginning of Grey's. Even though the show isn't as great as it used to be, I still watch it. I like what him and Meredith have...:) His eyes and his hair!!!! *sigh* He should get a hair endorsement deal, I wonder what his manager and publicist are waiting on.


...So there you have it guys! My top 5 most attractive men. :) Please Lord send a fine man my way so my children will be fine too oo.

Have a great night me darlings!

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!!!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Day #11: Mon Famille est....

Hi Guys,

Hope everyone is having a great day! So yeah in my last post I talked about finishing this 30 day challenge by hook or by crook! I'm gonna skip the Day 10 "First 10 Songs that Play On Your Music Player", because at the moment I kinda dnt have one/knw where it is, and I have a new laptop so no music on it except Beyonce's 4 album and Gidilounge radio :) I'll move on to Day 11 which is about "My Family"

My family...hmmm I honestly don't know where to start or what to say. So I'll jst make it brief. My family consists of My Dad, My Mom, My Older sis, Step bro and myself. Like every other family we had our ups and downs, highs and lows, but we've managed to weather the storm and hang in there...that was until about 2years ago when well things just kinda fell apart and everyone had had enough. Everyone is trying to heal and move on with their lives individually. 

I miss my Dad and the good memories...he's not perfect but he's Daddy. I just wish he didn't make the choices and decisions that he did. I talk to him once in a while (It's his b'day today) and I visit him when I go to Naija, but ....things are not the same, things are not the same as before. 
My extended family from my Mom's side is AMAZING! It's like a team where everyone works together for the good of everyone, making sure that everyone is okay and doing fine. LOVE and SUPPORT are the two words that would describe them the most. My Aunts are like my mother, aunties and friends all wrapped in one :) And my Uncles are good men, not perfect but good men all the same.

My Sisters kids (two boys) are my darlings! I love my nephews. They could be a pain in the tush, but still they are my babies! Can't wait for her to have a girl, it'll be a wrap! I go spoil her die! My Sis and I are close even though we used to knock heads a lot (she's 10yrs older lol so go figure) we might knock heads, but if u dare try to come against us or our Mom, then u'll see that we really are sisters. BBM has helped us chat mre and get to knw each other better.

My Mom is SUPERWOMAN in human flesh. If I can be half the woman she is, then I know for sure I'd be a great mother to my kids. Mummy mi toh bad gan!!! We fight o dnt get me wrong, but I love her with all that I am, I think we've been living together too long thats why we've been arguing need to find my place so that we can both miss each other a little bit. I love my Mummy that's my Mummy :) 

So there, you have it that's my family :)

I'm gonna try to keep up with this challenge cos I think the blogging/writing will be helpful/therapeutic for me even though like I've said before I can't be as candid as I wanna be because of people who know me, read this blog and are involved with the experiences that I wanna share.
Neways if you're reading this, I really do hope you're doing good.

Have a great day me darlings!

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Have You Seen Him?

Hi Me Darlings,

X_X Yes, yes I know I've been bad. I didn't make it through my blog challenge even those who started after me have finished! *sigh* story of my life! I'm actually really mad at myself because I was hoping for once I'd finish something I started. I'm thinking of still continuing just to prove the negative voice in my head wrong.

Neways, it's been a whirl-wind these past three weeks plus. I miss the days when I was a child and was free of making decisions that involved other people...when life was care-free and just pleasant. I respect bloggers who are open and candid about their lives, I wish i could do that. Part of the reason I stay anonymous is so I can be free to express myself, emotions and all, but still I can't. Why? Afterall, this is my blog you might ask. Well first off there's the feelings of other parties involved to be respectful of, then there's just the fear of being judged by readers. I knw we might say "ohh I dnt judge", but we all do unconsciously. We create this perception of a person based on the parts of themselves that they share with us, and sometimes we are wrong. Neways, my point is I dnt wanna be wrongly judged or misunderstood and I also dnt want people who haven't met me to have the wrong impression.

And so for the above reasons I can't really say and express myself the way I would want to. (I should just shut down the blog then, right? :) ) Life is like a classroom, we keep showing up to class everyday and learning something new, but we never graduate or stop learning until we take our las breath. Isn't it funny how when you need to make a decision and you reach out to ppl who you respect and love for their advice/2cents and they tell you "do what makes you happy" smh lol....if I knew what made me happy, I won't be coming to you for advice. And then some say A, some say B and at the end you're back at square even more confused than you were. *sigh*

"Do what makes you happy" I wish I had a looking glass that would allow me look into the future so I could tell what exactly would make me happy. But life doesn't work that way right? I know I know. So I'm gonna have to figure this one out the hard way (which some people think is the easy way, but trust me its not). I'm going to take it one day at a time, and just go with it. I have no rulebook, no map, no compass etc just one day at a time.
And yes! I know I need God to help me, and be my ultimate guide but here's the problem...we've not been on talking terms for a while! Yes, I know He's there waiting for me to reach out...but that's the problem I keep reaching out and falling off along the way. If I were God I'd be tired of myself, and I know He's not me but still *sigh*  
I've tried reaching out lately, but something's not clicking. Like normally I would have a conversation with Him, like He was sitting next to me and just talk...but I've tried and I can't get past the first two sentences. Don't know what it is... It's either He's so mad at me that He's currently not listening (y'all know as merciful as He is He still gets angry sha), OR I've just drifted so far away that there's so much noise between me and Him that even though He's there I can't hear Him cos of the "noise", OR I haven't hit rock bottom enough yet; maybe I'm supposed to hit rock bottom so that my cry for help will be louder than it is now, OR maybe I haven't tried to reach out enough and I should just try harder *sigh* I'll keep trying! 

Apartment hunting sucks a**!!! Especially in this freaking NYC! I need to find a room-mate and then apartment before the end of Fall because I don't want Winter to meet me on this my current work commute. My commute each way is about an hour 15mins, and I knw it'll be worse in the Winter with bus delays from the snow and all that BS. Please if you know if anyone in the NY area who is looking for a room-mate please let me know. No weirdos pls! I like to go out once in a while, like to hang out but I also love to have my own space and privacy so I know how to give people theirs. Things I can't stand are dirt and untidiness!!! Hair balls in the shower, dirty dishes in the sink for days, garbage not thrown out are a NO NO! 

Neways, Let me stop before I bore you guys to death with my random ramblings. But I want to say thank you to two people; just when I think I'm doing a good job of putting on a smiley face when infact I'm down and out...they read between the lines and the smileys... so Thank YOU to my booski Lohi and my dear Neefemi!!! I appreciate the both of you!!!  

Have an awesome day!

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!     


Saturday, July 16, 2011

Day #9: Education is NOT Important...

Hi Me Darlings...

How's everyone doing? Hope great! Hope you all are enjoying your weekend...chilling, bbqing and all. My weekend has been chilled so far. Kicked of my morning by tuning in to the Verastic show, then got out of bed at about 1pm, ate breakfast/lunch, and ermm yeah that's all I've done today. Heading out to a friend's BBQ later this evening, and maybe we might all head out to a club or lounge afterwards. But at the moment, I'm not really gingered or excited about heading out.

So today's post challenge is How Important I think Education Is...
And my response to this post's title is yeah right! Of course education is important, and very important in my opinion. Yes, yes, I know Bill Gates and the likes have been lucky to make fortunes and build empires without finishing college and all that, but please how many people make it like that? Probably less than 1% of the population.

I believe a well rounded educational background provides an individual with the basic/foundational tools to make something of themselves in this world. If you decide after college that a 9 - 5 isn't your thing, and you would rather branch out and open your own business or pursue a diff career path then that's great! But, at least have that degree so that if things don't go well with that other career path, you have something to fall back on.

Now take note that a formal education with a certificate from an institution isn't the only form of education in this life! Your day to day experience is an education in itself, and if you are just going through life without taking notes...then that's your loss. Also, whether you have a degree or not its your personal responsibility to continue to educate yourself via other mediums such as reading up on industry publications, other literature, listening to educative shows, traveling to acquire new experiences, interacting with people from diff walks of life, and generally trying out new things etc

Educations is important for both sexes! It empowers us women and provides us with a multitude of career options. And as for the men it gives them the means to provide for themselves and their families. In other words, it gives helps them to not become a weissstt to the society and to their loved ones. But not having an education is NOT an excuse to become a weissst either! I can't stand these people in America who can't even finish high school...talking about its too hard! Lol, oya now come to Africa and go to high school and give me feedback, mschew! It's the system that provides welfare and all sorts of living assistance and aid that gives them the audacity to be spitting out such nonsense! Get a freaking education and better your life! That is all!

Aiight me darlings. I'm off to try and have a good time. I made a decision that I think I might be regretting, not really sure. :( I love you!

Have a blessed weekend y'all!

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!!!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Day #8: What Did I Eat Today

Hi Me Darlings,

How's your day going? Hope great! So yes, yes, I haven't been regular with this challenge of a thing but I ain't quitting! I'll continue to hang in there. I made a very hard decision today, and I honestly don't even know if I made the right decision, but as they say time will tell. But I just felt/feel like I didn't have more to give and maybe, just maybe I might find happiness and fulfillment on this side if I gave it a shot. That's all I'm gonna say for now. Put me in your prayers please, cos I'm at that point where I feel like the child who only comes to God when my chips are down, and I'm too ashamed to even talk to him or try to connect. SO please intercede on my behalf.

Now let me tell you about what I ate yesterday July 14th...

- At about noon I had a Dannon Light & Fit strawberry yogurt.
- At about 3.20pm I took my lunch break (I always take lunch late when normal people take lunch at about 12-1) and I had a McDonald's Quarter Pounder, no pickles with a medium coke, no ice and Fries.
- Came home and then made orishi rishi spaghetti with sardines. Drank ribena.

So there you have it. And it is on this useless eating habit of mine that I intend on gaining weight...I must be a joker! I need to move in with Lohi so that she can be stuffing me up with all her goodies :) 

Doesn't it just suck when you ask people for their opinion on something to help you with a decision, and everybody keeps saying "do what makes you happy" *sigh* What if neither option really makes you happy? At times like this I miss childhood when decisions were easy as ABC literally.

How do you define happiness? How do you measure/evaluate your happiness? 

Neways, it's Friday! Thank you Lord! Another week has come and gone. Have a great Friday and weekend ahead y'all.

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Day #7: My 5 Pet Peeves...Happy Birthday to Me!

Hello Me Darlings!

Happy 24th to me :) Yes, yes I am that old! *sigh* but for the most part I feel younger. There are moments I feel 16, 21 etc :) I'm grateful for today! Somehow before the day I always feel like I'm not as excited about it, and then as it draws closer the excitement builds. Even during the years when I didn't have a party or celebration I still find myself excited on my birthday! 
I think my birthday is the coolest thing about me...cos of the date :) 07/07/ innn perfection toh bahd! The Lord took his time and created me :) So I'm special!

My phone's been going off since midnight! I knw sme ppl dnt dig the whole ppl changing their statuses for you and all, but I find it humbling and it makes me smile. To look at ur bbm updates and 3/4 of the pics are pics of me?! C'mon a girl's gotta feel special :)
I love presents but none so far there better be something in the mail! 

Can't wait till tomorrow to kick off the fun weekend! I'm just excited to see how the whole party bus works out smh it's gonna be a mess!

Thankful to the Lord for howfar I've come this past 24years. Dang! :) Thank you for your GRACE!!! I owe all that I am to you Father, ALL that I am.

Now on to today's 30 Day challenge...7 Pet Peeves!

- SPITTING IN PUBLIC: I've blogged about this before; I don't understand why people have to spit and then deposit their nonsense in plain open sight. Why can't you do it in a paper towel and put it in the garbage! Why do I have to be playing hop-scotch when I walk because I'm tryna avoid stepping on phlegm, sputum etc Like I'm in a freaking land-mine dodging bombs! It's all sorts of gross!!! 

- WHITE UNDERWEAR: Except you're blind, I think every normal person knows that white or multi-colored underwear underneath white pants, skirts etc is big FAT NO! Thongs, black pants and even bikers shorts still exist so why any one would put their underwear on display I don't know! Also for tights too. Yes your tights are black but you know butt area stretches and makes your panties visible, so please ensure to wear a top that covers ur butt! I just find it tacky and ghetto! Please desist!

- DISHES/SINK: I don't like when people finish eating and leave leftovers in their plates and then put the plate in the sink! Can u please scrap whatever food is in your plate into the garbage before putting the plate into the sink. And I dnt like when plates in the sink are pilled unevenly. Yes, I knw they are dirty dishes but it dsnt mean the sink shd look so disorganized that I dnt want to put my hand in it to do the dishes. Please put falt plates at the bottom bowls on top and cutlery inside the bowl so that way even though the dishes aren't done the sink isn't an eye-sore. 

- SMOKING: So I don't like the act of smoking, yes I've tried it out of curiosity but I just couldn't understand why people did it. Neways, if you choose to smoke all I ask is that you do not do it near me! The worst case is people who smoke while waiting for the bus. You know the bus is gonna be here any minute now, you light up and puff and then bring all that smoke with you on the freaking bus! Y must I kill my lungs with you? Y must I sit and marinate in smoke for the duration of that bus ride? Why? Please smoke in a corner and freshen up before coming close to me, please. Thank you!

- COCO-POPS: I don't like when guys don't get a hair-cut and begin to develop coco-pops. It's just unattractive. I love that fresh cut with the waves in it...but there are waves and then there's over doing it sha.

- SLURP: I can't stand when people make that 'slurping' sound when drinking hot tea, coffee etc. I just can'

- DIRT/DISORGANIZATION: I don't like clutter, dirty environments and just unnecessary untidiness. Things don't have to be perfectly arranged and color coordinated no, I don't have that kind of OCD but just neat and tidy. 

So yeah this post is about 5days late *sigh* longggg story will tell you guys how the birthday weekend went maybe tomorrow :) 

Have a great day.

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!        

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Day #6: I Think Today's Music Is...

Hello Me Darlings,

I'm happy for this blogging challenge 'cos it has forced/gotten me to blog by force :) Thanks for the comments...but yeah that's honestly how I feel about the ex. No regrets. Just lesson's learned. :)

Moving on, today's post asks what my views are on Today's Mainstream music. I'm not a music critic, and I'm not one of those people who updates their music player/collection regularly. My latest addition to my music collection are SuperStar by Wizkid and 4 by Beyonce. 

I listen to a lot of Nigerian music and the usual ermm popular American songs on the radio. The Nigerian industry has grown in leaps, but there are still bounds of improvement to be made. I think creatively the artists are not pushing themselves enough, and I honestly don't know if this is the fault of the artists or we the listeners who seem to like the cheesy, cut and paste kind of songs and are not as receptive towards diversity.

If we plan on going international which I believe we do with the whole Kanye signing Don Jazzy and D'Banj...I strongly believe we have to up our game even higher. From the music, to production, to video concepts and even the over way and manner with which we handle our business. That "naija business mentality" of unprofessionalism will not carry us far internationally. Tardiness, in ability to put together a decent press release, handle crisis, media presence and carriage etc... these little things matter, because it's all in the details.

Also, there's sooo much talent out there. But we are all sleeping on them...even the well established acts should begin to find ways to structure the industry and offer opportunities to these talented unknowns. It can be a win-win for everyone if properly managed.

I'm just glad that the industry has grown and continues to grow...I mean now a DJ can DJ an event and play Nigerian songs from start to finish without running out of songs! :) 

In other more important news! It's my birthday tomorrow! July 7th 07/07 Perfection toh bad! :) I'm excited for this weekend, I'm happy and somewhat sad about certain things. But I've told myself my birthday doesn't come everyday so I'm gonna suppress the sad thoughts and focus on the good and just bask in it and then handle the other stuff later.
I'm getting old, next thing I'll be having quarter life crisis lol smh. 

Neways gotta run and go get my hair done! Thank you to everyone again, especially the new followers!!! :* Kisses!!!!

Currently playing: Gidi Girl - WizKid :) 

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!!!!