Hope everyone is enjoying the long weekend, and saying a prayer for the men and women fighting to keep us safe...and for the ones who lost their lives fighting. May the good Lord strengthen and protect their families...Amen.
We learn from our personal experiences, and the experiences of others. Sometimes these experiences spur us to do better and not repeat mistakes made in the past, and sometimes they scare us (or me) to the point where in trying not to make those same mistakes we end up handling things the wrong way, hurting ourselves and even those who love us and maybe even landing right back at square one.(I hope this makes sense...lol...but read on) We've all seen relationships, marriages and unions where things were rough, and the bad times out weighed the good. There's the absence of respect, acknowledgment, trust, equality and even love. We see one party take on so much, and by so much, I mean disrespect, abuse -physical, verbal and emotional- humiliation, financial burden and what not. In some cases they are able to opt-out (for lack of a better word) before they lose themselves, and in other cases, they stay and "hang in there" for a variety of reasons.
To those of us looking in from the outside we sometimes cannot understand why they "hang in there", we are quick to state how if it were us we would do this and do that. All of which is easier said than done. For some of us this scenario is very familiar, because maybe our Moms, Uncles, Aunts, friends, cousins, neighbors, co-workers, and so on have experienced this. And looking at what they went through, I vowed to myself that I won't make the same mistake. I won't tolerate nonsense. I won't allow myself be disrespected. I won't settle for less (and I won't give less of myself). I won't accept abuse in ANY form. I'm sure a lot of us can relate, and knw what I'm talking about.
Trying to find balance between being a good partner, friend, lover and being a young woman who doesn't take nonsense, settle for less, carry financial burden and condone abuse of any kind is not as easy sometimes. I remember during the early stages of our relationship, when My Luv dsn't call, text or come online for one day, I'd have a fit! Get upset with him, and even after he explains and apologizes, I'd still have an attitude. When we have misunderstandings I'd want to have the final word or say. #gbam! lol... To even communicate at times, I'd hold back stuff because I didn't want to be vulnerable... and a whole bunch of other things.
I did all of these becos I was trying to be a no nonsense, do not settle for less, I must be respected and treated right, tough young lady. Now it is ok to want to be that, but I was going about it the wrong way and causing mre harm than good. It is ok to look out for myself, but a relationship is about two people. I was too focused on me, me, me. What about him, and the way he feels? Also respect is earned and not demanded. And instead of getting upset or having an unnecessary attitude, what I really wanted to say was "I missed you, why didn't you call?"...I wasn't communicating properly. I'm not perfect but I keep learning to be a better me, and my gbam gbam ways were not it. Everyday I try to communicate better; if I'm mad or upset, I say it and let it go without holding a grudge. I am not always right. I'm learning that it's ok to be vulnerable it gives him the opportunity to be more than jst My Luv, he becomes my Man.
Why am I saying all this? Bcos on Saturday, myself and some other participants of Vera's show called out the co-host (Uncle Demola) for not giving us proper examples for us to learn from; the topic was about marriages and divorces, and we were discussing the diff possible reasons why they failed. Again, I am no expert. Just a fellow blogger sharing an experience. My fear of becoming one of those women before me, made me handle things the wrong way...and now I'm learning better ways to tackle 'em. My Luv is patient, and we work it out together. Good things require effort, and we put in the effort because we're both worth it.
Perfection doesn't live here...but continuous learning, patience, support and lots of love do!!!
PS: If this doesn't mke sense, blame it on the fact that it's 2.18am and my eyes are closing and my brain is observing Memorial Day holiday. Ignore any typos or #gbagauns pls.
PPS: Pls pray for me and my family, been having some weird dreams of late. Prayerpoint: Pray against death, tragedies and misfortune...and pray for stronger and renewed relationships with God. Thanks guys!!!
Talk to you guys soon,