How's everyone doing? Hope everyone had a great weekend!
I went to church today, and today's sermon was on PEACE, and realizing that we do not create peace but that the Prince of Peace gives us peace from above that surpasses all human understanding. When I got home, I had that bubbly, God given, Holy- Spirit filled kinda high, you get after church. But that high feeling was kinda short-lived after one phone-call.
It's my Dad's birthday today. I called him to wish him a Happy B'day but the conversation jst felt so rehearsed. Filled with one-liners, lacking emotions of excitement and joy for another year in his life. The tension and the brewing pain/hurt from the words spoken in the past and those unspoken were present but yet absent. And these feelings are mutual. Mine aimed directly at him, but his not necessarily at me per se, but as the child of my mother, whatever is aimed at her, am guilty of as well. It has always been so from the time when we (my sister and I) could understand certain things and chose to cling to her as we are all she's got.
You most likely won't understand this post in its entirety, but am sure u'll have rough picture.
They've been together about 30 years now. He was my Mom's first and only boyfriend. She wasn't into the whole dating thing, very simple, humble and loving and more focused on her education so she could care for her younger siblings. They had 2kids, but u know the African quest for that male child...yup, well that male child did come and he's 2months older than I am. (Go figure). That notwithstanding, she ddn't create a scene...she stayed and kept it all 2geda for the sake of her own kids.
My Mom is the kind of person that will take the clothes off her back so that you can be warm, she'll wear ankara so that you can wear lace, she'll take the back-seat so that you take the front, she'll stand in your shadow so that you get the recognition...and am not saying this jst cause; I get mad at her sometimes sef..."Everytime u r doing for someone else, when will you do for yourself?" Her reply? "If they are happy and ok...I am happy." As a Nurse whenever someone was ill be it from her side of the family or Dad's side, everybody consulted her for advice or for her to refer them to a good Dr. and use her connections. When my Grandpa (Dad's Dad) died she was there by his side, he sent for her.
So few years ago, she got the opportunity to come n' work here in Yankee and cos I was under 21 then I got to tag along. Somehow, things worked out well as per Green Card n' all, and so began our stay here o. Momsie saw it as opportunity for the family in general; I get to go to school here, she gets a good job, we cld file for family members to come visit and what not...and general freedom to travel and boundless opportunities. But u see, he doesn't and neither does his family. As a spouse, he cld have come along, but he ddn't think it was gonna come through now he feels left out. And so has some form of resentment towards Momsie and I. It's funny cos it's not as if life is easy here, u gotta work to get paid. And in a normal house-hold financial responsibility is shared, but here she takes care of it all.
Lol...them say who no go no know. There are good memories of my family o, I won't lie. Lots of good memories, but u know then I was a child oblivious to all this underlying tension that has been on even b4 I was born. But now I'm old enough to understand. And I've learnt A LOT! (will talk about that in another post). Momsie is in her late fifties, and she has spent most of her life doing, doing and doing for people. Giving, giving, giving and caring for people who didn't appreciate. People who just want to squeeze everything they can out of her till there's nothing left to give. But now she's done giving a damn. Afterall, her kids are grown, Sis is a Dr., married with 2kids, and as for me :-) well I graduate next fall. So now she's just doing her and leaving the rest to God...enough is enough.
I dnt knw where I was going with this but I just needed to write to help ease my heart and spirit of the burden at the moment. I don't know if it's the writing that helps or just doing something help take the mind of the issue, but whatever it is, it works cos I'm feeling much better and am back on that high. I'll type a more coherent post concerning what I've learnt, later on sha.
My advice to everyone is that, please respect, honor, and appreciate your parents and your mothers ooo, u don't know what they've gone through, the things they endure just so that we are happy.
Have a great week ahead guys!!!
Talk to you soon,