Friday, May 22, 2009

Case of the Ex

PS: This post is a random rant, and to better understand it you might need back-ground information. If you do let me know if not, all well and good.

PPS: Please excuse any grammatical or typo errors, and any uncensored profanities.

It's been about six months since we called it quits...since I ended it and we went our separate ways. The first couple of weeks were rough; I kept wondering if I had made the right decision, and when I was gonna realize I made a mistake. But after today's conversation with him and the constant back n' forth... I have no doubt that I made the right decision, and I'm so happy I did. I'm calm now, but about hour ago...all I wanted to do was scream profane words at him; why da hell are u bringing unnecessary issues? are you out of your f***ing mind? how dare you say such to me? R u f***ing kidding me?...u get the picture!

We had been together for three years,and two out of those three years had been long-distance. Met him my first year in Uni in Naij, we were in the same department (major). For some reason I was attracted to him, he was a nice guy (still is), but communicating was a problem for us. He never understood what I said and I guess I never understood him either, and so we had regular arguments/ misunderstandings, but I stuck it out and stayed. When I finally moved to yankee, the arguments got worse.
If I ddn't pick the phone when he called, we argued or he wld ask 'so is there someone else that has ur attention.'
He would make statements that sounded hurtful or derogatory and then say he was joking.
He ddn't get my jokes I cldn't stand his.
During his last semester in school, whenever I asked wat his plans were, he said I made him feel insecure...and felt like I was asking him if he cld tke care of me financially.... the list goes on, and I stayed on.

You ask why I stayed? I wish I have sensible answer but I don't. I knew he was insecure but I felt as he grew older maybe he'll out grow that and be more confident in himself and his abilities. I guess am just an optimistic person, I see the glass half full. But sometime last year I got a reason to leave, and although it didn't seem right then am happy I did...(story for another day) :). Initially after the break-up, we ddn't communicate but when I was going to 9ja in Jan. I told him I was coming, when I got there he went MIA. I honestly wasn't bothered bcos I was there for other reasons.

Out of the blue last month, he sends me a message on FB, basically sayin' hi and checking up on me. I've moved on and I thot he had bcos he told me he was seeing someone; so once in awhile we'd chat online, exchange pleasantries and all that. Only for today he started speaking a language that I honestly could not understand; talking about how he doesn't think we can be friends, becos when I broke up with him and he asked if it was ok for us to be friends I said I didn't know. Anyways, we go back n' forth for a couple of mins and tell him that I get it if he's still hurt, vexed or watever but that if he dsn't want to have a cordial relationship then no wahala, that's totally fine by me but that I just assumed that becos of history sake, we could at least be cordial.

At this point I'm irritated and just really pissed and about to sign off when he tells me oh I was only joking, and that they are just words. Starts to apologize, but I dnt respond. Then he asks, "what do you want from me?" I stare at the screen, smile and say to myself "Nothing" and sign off. I am so glad I let him go, let it all go. I'm grateful for those three years, but I miss them not!

Talk to you soon!
Miss Enigma!


dbthinks said...

No one deserves a mud-slinging match in the name of a relationship -- good you moved on.. and if my memory serves me right there's a wonderful guy in the picture! As Just Toluwa said on her blog.. There's a reason you're an ex..Keep moving on..

NaijaBabe said...

good for you my love. Too many issues jere

juiceegal said...

I'm glad u left.........the guy definitely dsnt undastand himslf yet so until he works on himself,hez gonna remain that way.

Tigeress said...

I'm not a fan of being friends with ex's when the break-up is fresh. But by the sound of it- u made a good decision about ending the relationship. I dont think he's a bad guy- it just seems you're not right for each other.

ttlolla said...

I know you think, you've missed out on three years but really you should count the things you've learnt from the years you were with him.
Good luck

OPTIMISTIC_alyzzz said...

God i really hate relating to exes, they are ex and ahould just remianin the past they have a way of bringing up old tings that have been buried especially when they are childish msheew....

chayoma said...

i honestly dunno how peeps do the whole friendship thing with ur exs. its kinda weird to me oh!
Good thing u moved on. dude still needs to figure himself out!
i was gonna say good riddance to bad rubbish, but then, one man's poison may be another man's cake....

jhazmyn said...

Sounds to me like he's on confusion island, anyways, luv the way you handled it.....and glad you've moved on from the drama

Arewa said...

When you break off a relationship and you are sure you don't want the person back its best to cut off all forms of communication with the person. Y do u have to be dealing with their mood swings and silly jokes anymore? Its over should mean its over. Let someone else deal with the crap.
Keep ur head up girl x x

Omo Oba said...

"Just joking" my arse. that JJ or JK phrase could be very infuriating! there is nothing wrong with being optimistic and i commend you for sticking it thru in the hope that he would outgrow his ways. But girl, u have made the right decision. When one cat-fights constantly with a sig.other, then it might be time to just move on. Glad u did. by the way, I loved how u signed off from the chat.