Sunday, June 20, 2010

Bus Trip: Destination >>> My Random Thoughts

*This is the last call for all passengers boarding this tour bus! This is your driver speaking, we are taking off from the Blogsville terminal and our destination is Miss Undercover's Head. Today, we'll be taking a trip to her head and visiting a few of the many random thoughts swirling around in there. Now buckle up and let's go!*

- Currently listening to MJ's Human Nature, and I can't believe he's actually gone, and its been almost a year already! Time does fly sha...and he's gone. *sigh*

- I actually dnt have friends. I mean, I knw people and if you ask us we wld describe what we have as friendship, but aside from my two close-friends, no other friends calls me (ok maybe two other people) or texts me. I'm wondering what went wrong? In pry sch I used to be a talkative, and was friends with everybody! So what happened? Did/Do I subconsciously push ppl away? Or is there an underlying fear of not being "good enuff"? I dread picking up calls or texting ppl not becos I dnt want to be friends, but I worry I'll run out of things to talk about; general girly gossip can only carry on for so long and in as much as I open up easily, I also do not open up easily. I know that's a contradiction in itself, and I wish I cld explain further *sigh* Let me try: so I cld sit with you and pour out the story of my life to you...and there are some times when I dnt say anything bcos I like having some form mystery or at least something I can have to myself alone. Ok this isn't making sense so I give up.

- So a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine said I judge. I tried to brush it off, but it got to me. I'm the most imperfect person u'll ever meet, and becos of my imperfections, I sometimes stay reserved and dnt share certain things becos I do not want to be judged, so to have someone say "I judge", I was taken a back. The said friend usually asks me for my take on things and after she said that, whenever she asks my POV I dnt say anything anymore...I jst shrug, and now I make a conscious effort not to care or ask about whatever she's up to, and it's hard becos we are supposed to be close, and now I'm being who I'm not. *sigh* I think its cos of this kind of unnecessary drama I stay away from about a vicious circle.

- I realized that my cooking skills are actually not as disastrous as I imagined they were...I'm my own worstest critic! Mediocre is aiight for everyone else, but So yeah my cooking list lacks variety tho :(. Aside from the basic Naija menu like jollof rice, fried rice, egusi soup, okro soup, ogbono soup, spaghetti and corn-beef, stew, vegetable stew...ermmm I pretty much cnt mke anything else and I want to be able to make my #dearfuturehusband happy in the food department. Make nice appetizers for him n' his friends when they come over to watch a soccer match, after a hard day's work and all. Neways, I'm working on it sha, following Ms. O and Avartsy's blogs.

- It's Father's Day today right? *sigh* well, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all the fathers out there, and to those that aren't fathers yet pls continue working on being the best Dad you can might think daughters bond with their mothers more, but we hold a VERY special place in our hearts for our Daddies, and when you screw it up real bad *sigh* its hard, so hard for us to look at you the same. 

- So about my last post and the qstn of would you let ur man visit a strip club, and wld you go with him? If my boyfriend was interested and wanted to go with his guys, I'm fine with it, as long as its not an every weekend kinda thing. But its a no-no for the husband o! that kinda fun ends on ur bachelor's eve! There are other ways to have a good time with the guys, and if the guys decide they want to head over to the strip club, tell them bye-bye, and I'll personally cater to you at home *wink*  So yea that's my two cents.

- I know May 2011 is a long, long way away but I can't graduate. Its been a long journey to get this Bachelors degree...*sigh* I've played that day over and over in my will be icing on the cake if my sis, and the boyfie wld be able to make would mean A LOT to me, just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. Dear Lord.

- Speaking of which, I know He hasn't abandoned me or forgotten about me, but there's just this disconnect somewhere. Normally when I feel like I'm far from home, I jst cry out and He comes and brings me back...but for longtime now it has just been silent. I don't know what I'm not doing right...or whatelse to do...but I really want to find my way home. There's a certain kind of peace and calm that takes over when I'm home, and I just knw that everything's gonna be alright because Daddy is in control...but I dnt feel that way and I miss it. So dear blogfam please intercede on my behalf.

- I wish during my yrs in Lagos I learned how to speak Yoruba :( iLove the way it sounds when it is spoken...the dramatic expressions and inflections. I hve an Edo uncle married to an Ibo lady and the one language they speak when they want to code things frm ppl around is is beautiful to watch...especially since they both speak it with phonee. What language will I speak with my #dearfuturehusband? 

- I wish I knew how to make hair or had friends who did!!! I wldn't have to cough- up, $120 - $240 when I want to fix my hair! It is for this reason that I stick to my Dominican wash and set for $20- $25 bucks! Chei! If I was in Naij I wldn't be spending such ridiculous amounts oo!

- It's 1.51am and I'm still typing when I have service in the morning; I knw that even if I  go to bed now sleep won't cme so...oh well.

- I'm so mad I got a ticket while I was getting my hair done! Just becos of two quarters now I have to pay $30...If I swear for the ppl in office in this yeye NY; just milking every dime outta ppl like they are cows! A freaking monthly pass $90 and no discount for college students...mscheww.

As long as this post is, this isn't half of what is really on my mind...tsk tsk! Neways, its time for y'all to hop off the Miss Enigma express, and maybe we'll do this again someday in the near future.
Have a wonderful Sunday everyone...and again Happy Fathers Day to the fathers, soon to be fathers and all.

PS: Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby" jst came on...another one of my all time favorites!!! love love love!

Talk to you all soon,
Miss Enigma!                 


Ms.O said...

R.I.P. #MJ

I am sure you do not suck at cooking, everyone just needs to practice more.

Aww the problem with LDR's is the feeling of not being able to do more to fix situations. You will be fine dear.

Have a good weekend mama. I like these posts..:)

neefemi said...

lol at your friend that says you judge when you tell her your point of view. i don't think it should draw you apart tho, just explain to her that you telling her ur opinion doesn't mean u r judging, if you don't want to know don't ask.

Don't have a lot of friends as well, but i'm cool with very anti-social.

May 2011 is just right around the corner honey, it is well.

Have a good week ahead.

Jaycee said...

Something hit me when you said, "now anytime she asks for your POV you just shrug." I don't think you should just shrug because of what she said, you should still be yourself and say what you really think about the matter. If you know you're imperfect and don't judge others, then so be it.

I'm saying this from experience, if someone says something about you and you know in your heart that that's not who you are, being someone different won't will only serve as a continuous reminder to the day she made that painful accusation.

yankeenaijababe said...

this post is deep o, can imagine, girl hang in tight, you will graduate May 2011, it's not too far away, start making plans for after graduation because life can be very boring if you have no plans what to do next

Having two good friends don't mean you don't have friends, two is better than nothing, enjoy it while it last...Happy father's day to your dad too.

tayd said...

NIce post.. got me thinking & realized I only have about 2 or 3 good friends as well. As long as you're happy, its not a bad thing.

Everyone else just falls in place.. you'll be fine. :)

王雅婷 said...

i consder your artical is so nice!.................................................................

histreasure said...

my dear, having two friends you can count on is better than having lots that are 'fair weather'..

i'm sure you'll find ur abilities in d kitchen is more than what u think when #dearfuturehusband shows up

Abujamaiden said...

hmmm, boyfriend cannot go to strip club ohhh! Argh, most guys make it a bachelor habit and can't break from it when they are married it'll be like you caging them.

I used to think I was judgmental but everyone judges sef, one wa or the other.

as for your hair, America really makes one broke on hair or forces them to learn or just manage with looking a hot mess.

goodluck with grad!

王瑞 said...