You ever feel the need to just talk? to someone...anyone...most likely someone who you don't know, who doesn't know you and most likely will never know you. You just meet them somewhere at the airport, at the park, in a jammed elevator and you just talk and after a while you say to each other "Twas nice meeting you" and you both go your separate ways without the intention of ever keeping in-touch or catching up.
We all have friends, but sometimes infact most times, we still keep certain things that happen in our lives away from them. Consciously choosing not to share certain things with them...we hold back. To all the special and important people in our lives we open up to an extent and then hold back some stuff. My question is so who do we then talk to and open up 100% to? With the exception of God, cos even to Him we hold back forgetting that He sees and hears all...lol.
Do you ever get to the point where you've held back, and held back soo much that you feel like you could explode? What do you do? Is that when you curl up and watch ur favorite series with a tub of ice-cream and tears streaming down your face...and at first you don't know why but then there's a mixture of emotions from everything you've been holding back? Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Loneliness. And all the other possible emotions that there are. Or do you reach for liquor to soothe and help you temporarily escape? Or do you write stories or poems? Or you listen to music and ball like a child...and when that gospel song comes that hits the spot you almost want to drop to ur knees wherever you are and just say "Take me Lord, and do as you please" cos I'm tired of holding back?
When I get to that point of feeling like exploding, I write in my journal but not anymore...writing takes too long and the words aren't coming out fast enough. My favorite ice-cream Dulce de Leche isn't helping anymore, shopping is only a temporary escape...music isn't hitting the right spot anymore...I don't want to curl up and cry, I've done that already and I know its not gonna help. I've prayed and well... I just want to talk. I just want to talk without feeling like I'm being judged, without someone thinking I'm a tad bit looney, talk without holding back so I can be free and just be. But talk to who?
We hold back from friends, family and loved ones because well ermmm we dnt want to be vulnerable, scared that if we quarrel with that friend they might have our words as ammunition to hurt us in future, and like that we stay. I started blogging to be able to write and vent anonymously well I'm not anonymous to some anymre so that option is out the window. So this is why I need a Shrink. But my mother doesn't like them...(she's in the health field) she worries that they are quick to label people as depressed and that once that goes on your medical file...its a wrap! They dump anti-depressant into ur system and you go from just stressed to really depressed and looney. :) So if she hears that I want to see a shrink...she'll prolly have heart -attack....mother's are dramatic sha...lol
*sigh* I just want to talk...and let all my thoughts, worries, concerns out...and then pick up my bag and leave...just unload. Is that too much to ask? I want to believe I'm not alone in this, but if I am oh well :) ....But just incase I'm not alone....oya oo share what do you do when you just want to unload...and talk???
Have a wonderful week ahead my luvlies!
PS: I'm not going psycho or anything of the sorts oo....not yet I think...lol
Talk to you guys soon,