Sunday, May 2, 2010

I Need A Shrink...

You ever feel the need to just talk? to someone...anyone...most likely someone who you don't know, who doesn't know you and most likely will never know you. You just meet them somewhere at the airport, at the park, in a jammed elevator and you just talk and after a while you say to each other "Twas nice meeting you" and you both go your separate ways without the intention of ever keeping in-touch or catching up.

We all have friends, but sometimes infact most times, we still keep certain things that happen in our lives away from them. Consciously choosing not to share certain things with them...we hold back. To all the special and important people in our lives we open up to an extent and then hold back some stuff. My question is so who do we then talk to and open up 100% to? With the exception of God, cos even to Him we hold back forgetting that He sees and hears all...lol.

Do you ever get to the point where you've held back, and held back soo much that you feel like you could explode? What do you do? Is that when you curl up and watch ur favorite series with a tub of ice-cream and tears streaming down your face...and at first you don't know why but then there's a mixture of emotions from everything you've been holding back? Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Loneliness. And all the other possible emotions that there are. Or do you reach for liquor to soothe and help you temporarily escape? Or do you write stories or poems? Or you listen to music and ball like a child...and when that gospel song comes that hits the spot you almost want to drop to ur knees wherever you are and just say "Take me Lord, and do as you please" cos I'm tired of holding back?

When I get to that point of feeling like exploding, I write in my journal but not anymore...writing takes too long and the words aren't coming out fast enough. My favorite ice-cream Dulce de Leche isn't helping anymore, shopping is only a temporary escape...music isn't hitting the right spot anymore...I don't want to curl up and cry, I've done that already and I know its not gonna help. I've prayed and well... I just want to talk. I just want to talk without feeling like I'm being judged, without someone thinking I'm a tad bit looney, talk without holding back so I can be free and just be. But talk to who?

We hold back from friends, family and loved ones because well ermmm we dnt want to be vulnerable, scared that if we quarrel with that friend they might have our words as ammunition to hurt us in future, and like that we stay. I started blogging to be able to write and vent anonymously well I'm not anonymous to some anymre so that option is out the window. So this is why I need a Shrink. But my mother doesn't like them...(she's in the health field) she worries that they are quick to label people as depressed and that once that goes on your medical file...its a wrap! They dump anti-depressant into ur system and you go from just stressed to really depressed and looney. :) So if she hears that I want to see a shrink...she'll prolly have heart -attack....mother's are dramatic sha...lol

*sigh* I just want to talk...and let all my thoughts, worries, concerns out...and then pick up my bag and leave...just unload. Is that too much to ask? I want to believe I'm not alone in this, but if I am oh well :) ....But just incase I'm not alone....oya oo share what do you do when you just want to unload...and talk???

Have a wonderful week ahead my luvlies!

PS: I'm not going psycho or anything of the sorts oo....not yet I think...lol

Talk to you guys soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!






15 comments:

Nice Anon said...

We all feel that way at some point. That is where blogging comes in handy

sweetandsensible :) said...

awwww......well you can go see a therapist NOT a psychiatrist...they dont prescribe medication and they help you work through stuff......i know nigerians and Christians (both of which i am :) have this thing against any type of mental anything but its a strength NOT a weakness to reach out for help and really i think they are great cos they dont know you and never will like you rightly said...and they help you see things ina whole new light...........

Rene said...

totally get you. sometimes i just want t talk to a stranger

Myne Whitman said...

I write it all away, into a story, another character, another place, another time. It helps to talk to the person who cares for you the most too, it increases the trust. But therapists are the best, or other trained professionals. Take care dearie.

Fabulo-la said...

Been there done that babes. it worked, for a moment. But writing helps more. Like Myne, i will just write it away in a story or character or sth that might not necc be me. it may be hard at first, but if you push through, you"ll get to that pint where your writing will be enough.
(((((Hugs)))))

Or you can send me an email, i will read and delete. hehehehehe

leggy said...

you just described how ive been feeling lately...im in my 'i just want to go home' phase. im not a very open person, so i cant talk to people. so sometimes, i find myself just locking my room and crying my eyes out for no reason at all and yeah 'tuface's 'thank you Lord' helps me out a lot.i write too...words dont come out fast enough so i usually just write random sentences and talk about my how i feel and i dont try to make sense.i just write for me.

Ms.O said...

BABES!! HUGS!!! I know how you are feeling. I also write alot of posts I dont publish, writing helps me...music helps too. But if you need to talk. I'm here..:)

neefemi said...

if you feel you really need to talk to someone then please by all means see someone, at least a school counselor or something... i usually just have conversations in my head after listening to music but i'm crazy - i hope you feel better soon or find that random stranger you can talk to...and i'm here if you need to as well...tk cr of yourself

blogoratti said...

Hey hang in there...it shall pass!

Sugarking said...

I'm quite good at listening babes. Talk to me anytime!

jhazmyn said...

I used to make anonymous friends for this purpose...maybe call a counseling center i trust and talk without leaving my name or number, that was after writing just didn't work anymore.

Now, i lock myself in my special room, and do whatever i want to do...scream, talk to myself (sounds loony i know..lol) but most times just lie silent until it passes, which it always does anyways cos I'm not used to bottling things inside for too long.

I do agree with a therapist though, it helps to talk sometimes to someone who knows all you want to do is talk and not listen...my hubby and mum do that for me, guess they are my own free therapists.

I sure hope you're ok though...u hang on strong aight...xoxo

為珮 said...

感謝你的分享 要繼續發表好文章喔.........................

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

when writing fails, tired of the songs, headache from the tears, you seek a therapist. I have been where you are and got an anonymous friends who i shared it all with. Hang in there, you will be okay in time

AugustusP_N5526 said...

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. ....................................................

unspoken thoughtz said...

so I've always found reading blogs extremely interesting but never really was a blogger, anyway I just started my blog today and after starting my blog I stumbled on yours...this post hit the spot! Thats exactly how I felt today as I'm sure everyone does at some point.nice writing.