Thursday, April 16, 2009

Woo-saa!!!

Hey Blogsville,

How's everybody doing? I guess everyone's looking 4ward to the weekend...hopefully for that much needed rest. I haven't updated or blogged in awhile bcos I've been taking time to just listen and by listen I mean reading ur blogs and dropping comments here n' there. Great job guys! So b4 I unleash my bottled up emotions let me jst say dat what am about to type is simply a written version of my chaotic thoughts @ the moment; it most likely will not be coherent,and might make no sense but please I beg u to excuse my mood, and just allow me vent.

How can something be so wonderful one minute and just be totally upsetting the next. It picks you up one minute and the next it's slamming you against the hard floor like a laborer dropping a bag of cement...and just when u think u've had enuff, it goes on to throw you in a pool of mixed emotions. You can't decide if you are drowning out of fear or if it is dat u just dnt have the will power to swim or your pride won't let you beg to be saved. You feel so many things at the same time, you think this can't be possible...you're trying to think rationally and logically but you just can't. You try to make a point, your mind is racing, your heart is pumping, your hands are making gestures, and your lips are moving but the words...the words...where are the right words to make your point?

If only I myself could understand what exactly I am feeling maybe that would help; but I have no clue. I'm so used to talking to him everyday on the phone, and hours chatting that one day without a phone-call and am mad. Honestly, am not mad truth is I miss him...but when he finally calls or comes online my pride won't let me say I missed u. Instead I have a diva attitude, I'm responding in mono-syllables, and not calling him Babie. Wivout even wasting time he apologizes and tries to explain; I know its not an everyday thing and its very unlike him but cut him some slack, I won't. Day 1, Day 2...I know am holding on to a flimsy issue for too damn long... Day 3, "Come on luv...am sorry" he says, I wanna stop and call him Babie so bad, but I've dragged a flimsy issue for so long that I dnt know how to shake it off.

3 days, he's apologized, inquired to know wats wrong, how he can fix it, and all dat...and all three days I've shot him down. Y'day he's gotten frustrated and doesn't know watelse to say so he decides to give me my space to clear my head and all. Now it's been 24hrs and not a word, and if I say I dnt miss him...na lie I talk o! I can't tell you how many times I check my fone to see if he was online, or sent a text or maybe even a missed call.

Yes I know I over-played the Diva card, but now I dnt knw how to find my way back. My stubborness won't allow me make the first move, and even if I tried wat do I say? Saying am sorry makes me feel like the weak party. I don't know man, I'll hold out till 2morrow and see what happens.

Now that I've emptied my jumbled thots...and can begin to think clearly, lemme summarize in a couple of sentences, what am not handling well and need to figure out how to. (I'm not ashamed to tell u my blogsville family that I have flaws...lol). Bcos I do not want to be considered as the weak party am picking unnecessary fights, and as a result am losing sight of when to (and not) compromise, and when to walk away.

So my question is this; "How do you compromise without feeling like the weak party? How do you pick your fights without feeling like you are over-reacting? And how do you know to walk away from certain issues for the sake of your sanity?"

This will be a topic for another day. I'm off to bed.

PS: I'm gonna laugh at myself in the morning when I read this post. Love is work o!


13 comments:

jhazmyn said...

LOL, Diva,Diva...ok, i guess we all have our fair share of drama, but at some point, he's gotta know its just an act and u guys are ok...and saying ur sorry dont make u weak at all, wen hubby n i were dating, there were so many ways i apologised witout saying d words i'm sorry (even though these days, those words come easy), so get ur juices flowing and do what u know u want to do...dont waste the weekend aight. Have a blast

Adaeze said...

awww.
Try not to think so much about being the weak party or not. Remember that a relationship is not about either one of you "winning". If he is losing then you are losing too. If the relationship goes good then you both win. If you make him feel like the weak party he's going to feel bad and then you will in turn feel bad too. Pick your fights is a good saying. If you want to fight with him, it's better to fight about really serious issues and not something like this, life is too short right?
Relationships are difficult, I've been in mine for 6 years and we are not perfect at all..I think relationship is more like a journey rather than the perfect thing we want it to be. As we walk the road of life together we change, improve, learn about each other and FROM each other.
This is just my lil piece of advice of what I've learned. I used to fight with my hubby about so many different things, ive now learnt to only stick to the most important things, lol...
by all means, vent all you can :-D I hope you feel better soon hun.

UnderCover07 said...

@ Jhazmyn- As in, real Diva attitude dat has backfired...lol...I'll try to mke d best of the weekend.

@ Adaeze- U're right. I'm @ a phase in my life where I as an individual am coming into my own person and learning to include another person in the process can be over-whelming at times; but like u said that's wat relationships are about.

Thanks guys! Thanks for even reading my ramblings...lol

Buttercup said...

awwwwww..i've come to the realization that life is too short to act on our pride.

sweetie, if u miss him, call him. he has apologized a number of times..if this carries on, u might inadvertently push him away..

i know it cant be easy to change one's character suddenly, but yea, i guess u have to start from somewhere..as jhazmyn said, saying sorry doesnt make one weak..theres a lot of strength in lowering ur defences and apologizing..

all the best, hon!

Gourmet Truffle said...

lol...Just call him up. He'll appreciate it alot. Besyds like Jhazmyn, Adaeze and Buttercp said...its not about your pride...sometimes you just have to let go of all that to make a relationship work...Besyds, he did apologse a zillion tyms and has "suffered" (even tho' you have too.lol). you've gotten your point across now.lol...he'll be calling you every minute now. mehn! the way we girls front!!! Its good sha...next tym he won't try it...one whole day without a phone call? mtscheeew!

RocNaija said...

Hmm.. something ain't right..

Out of curiousity.. did you delete my comment by any chance?
Cos I know for a fact that I commented on this post.. Came back to view your response and.. zilch.. nada..

My comment had picked up and absconded!

PS. Please say you've called him already!

UnderCover07 said...

@ Buttercup- I really have to learn to put my pride in check...thanks!

@ G' Truffle- lol @ girls and fronting. When u're in a LDR every form of communication means so much, and I guess he so spoiled me wiv his daily fone calls...lol

@RocNaija- Ahn ahn The Roc himself, y wld I delete ur comment? I ddn't o, nw am pissed dat I ddn't get to see it! :(
...Neways, yeah I apologized, he called and we're good :)

Thanks guys!!!

JustDB said...

G|uess we all have suffered from communications gone awry... You should cut the dude soomme slack tho... LOL.. Good to know you're all cool and good again...

Bibi said...

yes o! love is work. i always try to push you away with a short hand and hold you close with a long hand. so i play the diva but just long enough. lol. you'll be okay though. thanks for stopping by mine!

bumight said...

ok, the diva card isnt exactly the best card, it always backfires.

as per ur question, i learnt the hard way. I had to actually learn how to say sorry. sometimes, though i say sorry and feel like crying, lol.

dont think too much about being the weak party, so long as its a two way thing. u might have to learn to pick ur battles cos not everything is worth stressing over.

i think this is my first time here!

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Is it me or did you disable comments for your most recent post? I may be too sleepy...lol

But wow, you definately had two 'God-winked' moments. I wish I would find some hundred dollar bills!lol. So happy your wallet was found in one piece as well...
Meanwhile, I haven't watched american idol in years...

Cidersweet said...

That is a "grace eperience" indeed (been looking for such experiences lately).
Hope you're feeling much better, and understood now.
Happy Sunday!

juiceegal said...

I cn definitely relate 2 dis cz i do it al d time.......i fink its bcos its a LDR nd sumtimes d fact dat i cnt see him gets me so upset dat i try 2 punish him 4 it...lol
Neway i'm learnin 2 compromise nd i fink u shld do d same...as Adaeze said a relationship is nt bout nebody winnin or loosin
Thanx 4 stoppin by my blog...xxx