Monday, May 31, 2010

Perfection Doesn't Live Here...

Hi B'ville Folks,

Hope everyone is enjoying the long weekend, and saying a prayer for the men and women fighting to keep us safe...and for the ones who lost their lives fighting. May the good Lord strengthen and protect their families...Amen.

We learn from our personal experiences, and the experiences of others. Sometimes these experiences spur us to do better and not repeat mistakes made in the past, and sometimes they scare us (or me) to the point where in trying not to make those same mistakes we end up handling things the wrong way, hurting ourselves and even those who love us and maybe even landing right back at square one.(I hope this makes read on) We've all seen relationships, marriages and unions where things were rough, and the bad times out weighed the good. There's the absence of respect, acknowledgment, trust, equality and even love. We see one party take on so much, and by so much, I mean disrespect, abuse -physical, verbal and emotional- humiliation, financial burden and what not. In some cases they are able to opt-out (for lack of a better word) before they lose themselves, and in other cases, they stay and "hang in there" for a variety of reasons. 

To those of us looking in from the outside we sometimes cannot understand why they "hang in there", we are quick to state how if it were us we would do this and do that. All of which is easier said than done. For some of us this scenario is very familiar, because maybe our Moms, Uncles, Aunts, friends, cousins, neighbors, co-workers, and so on have experienced this. And looking at what they went through, I vowed to myself that I won't make the same mistake. I won't tolerate nonsense. I won't allow myself be disrespected. I won't settle for less (and I won't give less of myself). I won't accept abuse in ANY form. I'm sure a lot of us can relate, and knw what I'm talking about.

Trying to find balance between being a good partner, friend, lover and being a young woman who doesn't take nonsense, settle for less, carry financial burden and condone abuse of any kind is not as easy sometimes. I remember during the early stages of our relationship, when My Luv dsn't call, text or come online for one day, I'd have a fit! Get upset with him, and even after he explains and apologizes, I'd still have an attitude. When we have misunderstandings I'd want to have the final word or say. #gbam! lol... To even communicate at times, I'd hold back stuff because I didn't want to be vulnerable... and a whole bunch of other things.

I did all of these becos I was trying to be a no nonsense, do not settle for less, I must be respected and treated right, tough young lady. Now it is ok to want to be that, but I was going about it the wrong way and causing mre harm than good. It is ok to look out for myself, but a relationship is about two people. I was too focused on me, me, me. What about him, and the way he feels? Also respect is earned and not demanded. And instead of getting upset or having an unnecessary attitude, what I really wanted to say was "I missed you, why didn't you call?"...I wasn't communicating properly. I'm not perfect but I keep learning to be a better me, and my gbam gbam ways were not it. Everyday I try to communicate better; if I'm mad or upset, I say it and let it go without holding a grudge. I am not always right. I'm learning that it's ok to be vulnerable it gives him the opportunity to be more than jst My Luv, he becomes my Man. 

Why am I saying all this? Bcos on Saturday, myself and some other participants of Vera's show called out the co-host (Uncle Demola) for not giving us proper examples for us to learn from; the topic was about marriages and divorces, and we were discussing the diff possible reasons why they failed. Again, I am no expert. Just a fellow blogger sharing an experience. My fear of becoming one of those women before me, made me handle things the wrong way...and now I'm learning better ways to tackle 'em. My Luv is patient, and we work it out together. Good things require effort, and we put in the effort because we're both worth it.

Perfection doesn't live here...but continuous learning, patience, support and lots of love do!!!

PS: If this doesn't mke sense, blame it on the fact that it's 2.18am and my eyes are closing and my brain is observing Memorial Day holiday. Ignore any typos or #gbagauns pls. 

PPS: Pls pray for me and my family, been having some weird dreams of late. Prayerpoint: Pray against death, tragedies and misfortune...and pray for stronger and renewed relationships with God. Thanks guys!!!   

Talk to you guys soon,
Miss Enigma!!!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

...10 Things iLove...

Hi Blogsville...

How's ur week coming along? Hope things are going well, and blessings and favors are finding each and every one of you. Thanks to the ppl who commented on my last post. I appreciate ur suggestions, and wld look into them. Cerebally Busy are u suggesting I write one because u think I have small potential or just to mock me?!! Lol...the thought of writing a book seems a bit scary to me. Funny thing is I wrote one when I was in primary school, and my Mom made negotiations with a publisher to make sample copies and all that, but life got in the way and that never came to fruition. Well who knows, maybe I'll write again someday...I hope I do.

Before I start rambling off, let me get to the main reason for this post. My friend Ms.O tagged me to do "10 Things iLove..." a while back, so these are a few of the things iLove...enjoy :D (PS: This list is in no particular order)

- SURPRISES: iLove surprises! Birthdays, Holidays, Everyday...there doesn't have to be an occasion or special event. iLove surprises just cause. A visit from a friend, unexpected pressies or thoughtful little things or gestures just warm my heart and light up my face :-). Sha not a surprise that will get me mad o if not wahala dey. 

- TRAVEL: iLove to travel! *sigh* Just thinking of all the places I want to visit is getting me all excited. In high-school, I went on as many excursion trips as my folks pocket could take care of. I went to Togo for French excursion, then for Geography our trip took us to Jos, Bauchi, Abuja, and for Hausa acculturation we went to ...... I enjoy flying (as long as I'm not sitting next to a psycho, or a talkative, or a stinky dude, or an extra nice old lady), and I enjoy road-trips too as long as I have good company. I want to visit France, Australia, Rome, China beautiful islands like the Virgin Islands, Seychelles, etc. I really would like to visit a couple of these places before I get married, and then take regular vacations with the hubby whenever I get married. So note to #myfuturehusband, I love to travel, and u will be coming along for the ride so prepare thyself :D.

- JEWELRY: Like almost every girl, iLove jewelry pieces, but specifically silver, white-gold and platinum *wink*. But platinum is outta my price range for now so I'm a .925 (silver) kinda girl. I dnt own one piece of gold jewelry;back in Naij if I need to dress in native and needed a gold piece, I borrowed my Mom's. But I'm slowly warming up to gold...keyword slowly. Few years ago when I worked in the jewelry section of a store, a good chunk of my paycheck went to silver pieces. They are just beautiful. My engagement ring n' wedding band are definitely going to be platinum.:D

- MUSIC/DANCE: If u know me...n' know me well, you'll know that I love to dance! I doubt that I can survive an hour in the gym, but I'll survive on the dance floor, in my apartment...wherever there is good music...I'll survive. I'm a huge fan of Naija music...there's just something about the songs that make me wanna move n' groove. I think my boyfie worries much energy...he just sits and smiles n' lets me do me.

- NAIJA FOOD: If I were in Naija I know I would have put on weight for sure. I'm typing my mouth is watering n' wanting. Banga and Starch. Poundie n' Ogbono wiv assorted. Ofada rice n' peppered stew. Market rice (rice wrapped in leaf n' sold in the market or hawked around). Amala and Egusi or Ewedu. Kpomo joint. Turkey joint. Suya. Shawarma. Ppl need I continue? I dnt think so...u get the picture. iLove Naija food.

- ROMANCE/LOVE: Yes...yes...I am a sucker for all things love. And yes I know sometimes love comes around and it knocks us down, but I believe in getting up, dusting yourself off and getting back in the game (at your own pace o). Because when it's right, everything feels good. iLove romantic gestures, and i'm a PDA kinda girl...walking holding hands, stealing glances from across the room, butt- squeezing, yelz :D iLove it all. Muahz!!!

SHOPPING: this for me is a love/hate rship. I enjoy shopping when I'm not hungry, and when I can find things in my size and price range. When I can't find my size, it is very frustrating! If I have an occasion, I have to shop ahead of time just in-case I need to have the outfit fitted...I cnt just walk-in pick a dress and go. But that notwithstanding I love bringing home my shopping loot and trying stuff on and all that.

DULCE DE LECHE: My favorite ice-cream flavor at the moment. Pure bliss!!! I tell you...try it and you'll be convinced. Caramel goodness.

-   BMWs: I love Beamers! I can't explain what it is, but I just love 'em. And by God's grace I will own one! I know I will.  I want leather seats with the wooden, polished dashboard....yeah baby! 

-   HIS LIST:So I ran out of things iLove and I asked My Luv to help me out and he mentioned: Tennis, Conference call with my two girlies, dance "you dance like there is no tomorrow", lol his words!!! He also mentioned, flowers (red roses) and He sure does know me well...thanx babie.

So my dear B'ville, there you have it...a few of the Things iLove. Hope you enjoyed knowing a lil' bit about moi. Continue to have a fabulous week my luvlies.

And if you haven't done this meme, pls consider yourself tagged!!! Yes u! lol

Talk to you guys soon,
Miss Enigma!!!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Summer Ideas...

Hey B'ville,

How's it going? TGIF!!! And my spring semester officially ended yesterday with my last final (Biology). Thank God for a wonderful semester...I couldn't have done it without Him. Now its summer and I need suggestions for things to do this summer. I want to have a productive, fun, enlightening and well spent summer break! I want to try out new things, and be legally adventurous :-). So please send in your suggestions. It wld have been nice to travel, but ermm this babe is not financially capable to do that right other fun activities are welcome. Also, I want suggestions for good summer reads...the kind of books that once I start, I won't want to put it down. Page turners, if you know what I mean...I enjoy reading, but if that book doesn't have me at hello/first page...its on a long thing o.

Neways my luvlies I am at work, and just decided to stop by to wish y'all a wonderful weekend ahead! Its looking great in the NY area, but we are expecting light showers on sunday :(. But the sun these past few days has been AMAZING! The short skirts are out...and its nice to know that one still has it, and can stop a few men mid-speech hahaha! Allow me jo! A lil'attention don't hurt nobody *wink* 

I found this on yahoo, you might learn a thing or two...or not but check it out: Dating Tips to Know By 21 

Have a wonderful weekend my luvlies...and stay out of trouble...gotta go the boyfie is on the phone...*excited much*

Talk to you soon,
Miss Enigma!!!! 

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Thou Shall Not Steal My Peace

Hi Blog Fam...

How's everyone doing? Hope you all had a wonderful weekend...and are energized and ready to take on the week.

The past week has been topsy turvy...good news n' not so good news, but it's all good. God dey.
Last week was Mother's Day here in the Amerix; I took my Mom to go see "Why Did I Get Married Too". She loved it, and laughed all through, just like she did for the first one. Her favorite character was the Psycho It was a day well spent, and am glad my Mom loved it...she deserved it and more.

I had two presentations during the week, one group and the other individual. Both went well. Thank God. I have one course portfolio to turn in on Tuesday, and a Biology final on Thursday and I'm done for the semester. I should be excited about Summer being around the corner right? Wrong. I am officially jobless/internship-less this summer, and this wasn't my plan but it is what it is.

Congratulations to all the graduants of 2010...go forth and conquer the world! I can't wait for it to be my turn next year *sigh* it seems like ages away.

So after service today, I got home and I had this sort of calm. Inspite of lil' setbacks I was experiencing, I was calm...and just taking things easy, which is unlike me. Normal me would be worrying, thinking and jst get worked up. But here I was, calm and believing that His will be done, everything will be fine. I even tweeted about it saying, is this what the bible means when it says "peace that passes all understanding", or is this me jst learning to handle things differently? Only for a few hours later I feel the calm fading away, and anger and sadness building up...I rebuke o!

Whether it is the devil or whatever it is, it shall not steal my peace! I refuse to be down and out oo. Since they say an idle mind is dat sucker's workshop...I chose to not be idle by getting my toes blogging...and so far it's working. :)

In other news pls why does Pandora not have Naija songs? So I just got addicted to it (Pandora) recently...keeps me going when I'm @ work and @ home too. Found some really good music on my Natasha Beddingfeld Adele, and Corrine R Bailey. I had heard of 'em but never took time out to listen to their work. iLove iLove alot!

This is random but I can't seem to watch any episode of Extreme Home Makeover without crying. I really shd have pursued my acting career, cos I wld be so good @ crying scenes. I tear up easily; Brothers & Sisters, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice... emotional moments that would have other people smiling, I'll tear up *sigh* #dontjudgeme lol

Neways, have a wonderful week ahead my luvlies...kick sme butt in whatever you do!

Talk to you soon,
Miss Enigma!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

My Mama...!!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there, and the mother figures too.
I can't even begin to list or say all the things that my Mom does that makes her special...because its everything she does.

The good, the bad...she's there. Through the ups and downs, she stays gbam gbam!
Even when we love stays unconditional. After we've just argued about something my Mom will ask, "have you eaten?" or "come and see what they are showing on tv" or she'll come sit next to me me I'll be frowning.

I love you Mummy...and I celebrate you everyday in my heart, because I know...I know Mummy the sacrifice but I do my best everyday to show you that it was worth it...and not in vain. May the good Lord give you looong life...I want my kids to learn a lot from you, and grow up with the kind of love you've showered on me.

Love you off to church and later if you're not too tired, we'll go to the movies like you wanted...muah!


Talk to you soon,
Miss Enigma!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

I Need A Shrink...

You ever feel the need to just talk? to someone...anyone...most likely someone who you don't know, who doesn't know you and most likely will never know you. You just meet them somewhere at the airport, at the park, in a jammed elevator and you just talk and after a while you say to each other "Twas nice meeting you" and you both go your separate ways without the intention of ever keeping in-touch or catching up.

We all have friends, but sometimes infact most times, we still keep certain things that happen in our lives away from them. Consciously choosing not to share certain things with them...we hold back. To all the special and important people in our lives we open up to an extent and then hold back some stuff. My question is so who do we then talk to and open up 100% to? With the exception of God, cos even to Him we hold back forgetting that He sees and hears

Do you ever get to the point where you've held back, and held back soo much that you feel like you could explode? What do you do? Is that when you curl up and watch ur favorite series with a tub of ice-cream and tears streaming down your face...and at first you don't know why but then there's a mixture of emotions from everything you've been holding back? Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Loneliness. And all the other possible emotions that there are. Or do you reach for liquor to soothe and help you temporarily escape? Or do you write stories or poems? Or you listen to music and ball like a child...and when that gospel song comes that hits the spot you almost want to drop to ur knees wherever you are and just say "Take me Lord, and do as you please" cos I'm tired of holding back?

When I get to that point of feeling like exploding, I write in my journal but not anymore...writing takes too long and the words aren't coming out fast enough. My favorite ice-cream Dulce de Leche isn't helping anymore, shopping is only a temporary isn't hitting the right spot anymore...I don't want to curl up and cry, I've done that already and I know its not gonna help. I've prayed and well... I just want to talk. I just want to talk without feeling like I'm being judged, without someone thinking I'm a tad bit looney, talk without holding back so I can be free and just be. But talk to who?

We hold back from friends, family and loved ones because well ermmm we dnt want to be vulnerable, scared that if we quarrel with that friend they might have our words as ammunition to hurt us in future, and like that we stay. I started blogging to be able to write and vent anonymously well I'm not anonymous to some anymre so that option is out the window. So this is why I need a Shrink. But my mother doesn't like them...(she's in the health field) she worries that they are quick to label people as depressed and that once that goes on your medical file...its a wrap! They dump anti-depressant into ur system and you go from just stressed to really depressed and looney. :) So if she hears that I want to see a shrink...she'll prolly have heart -attack....mother's are dramatic

*sigh* I just want to talk...and let all my thoughts, worries, concerns out...and then pick up my bag and leave...just unload. Is that too much to ask? I want to believe I'm not alone in this, but if I am oh well :) ....But just incase I'm not alone....oya oo share what do you do when you just want to unload...and talk???

Have a wonderful week ahead my luvlies!

PS: I'm not going psycho or anything of the sorts oo....not yet I

Talk to you guys soon,
Miss Enigma!