Brooklyn Bridge + MrsCarterShow

Hello!

It's been a hot minute! Well, that's what happens in the summer; time goes by so fast. Each weekend is filled with one activity or another and before you know it it's back to work again. And the cycle continues. Anyways hope everyone is having an awesome summer?! It's been a bit chilly here in NY. Okay, not chilly, chilly, but some kind of cool breeze has been in the air and I don't like it. Its a subtle reminder that the cold dog days of fall and winter are approaching...boo!boo!

I was in Houston two weekends ago for quick getaway to see family and to accompany my Oga to his friend's wedding. He was part of the grooms-men too. Although it was a very short trip, we had a good time. The one thing I love about Houston? The houses are s-p-a-c-i-o-u-s! I mean when I look at spaces in NY I'm like *sigh* sufferhead. I think I can live in Houston...keyword, I think. I hear the razzness/ratchet level (for lack of a better word) is quite high lol 

My swimming classes were going well, until the last class where the instructor took us to the deep end and asked us to...jump! I mean I knew I wouldn't die or anything like that, but still the fear of jumping into 9ft of water for a non-swimmer is as real as telling me to jump out of a plane without any parachute. Anyways I jumped and I'm alive; but while practicing how to come up and breathe while moving at the same time I drank lots of water :( . One thing I've learnt so far is to make sure my kids learn to swim early! This learning in my old age is not cool at all. Hopefully I get better before the sessions ends in a few weeks.

Why do single friends automatically think because a friend is in serious relationship they are no longer fun to hang out with? Does being in a relationship kill the fun vibe?

Was at the #MrsCarterShow yesterday! Amazing! I wasn't disappointed at all; except I was hoping Jay Z would make a brief appearance being that the show was in Barclay's Center in Brooklyn. But oh well, MrsCarter definitely shut it down! Got to give it to her, she's a performer! Nice way to start off my week.

I've always wanted to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. Finally did on Sunday, after church with Oga. The weather was perfect and the view from up there was pretty cool. Took a few pictures...enjoy!

Brooklyn Bridge - Blue Skies :)

Walking across the bridge...

Our Feet...tired, but happy feet :)

Remembering Young Love...

Hi Guys!!!

TGIF! Hope everyone had an amazing, kick-ass week?! I keep saying to myself it's been a minute I put up a post, I really should blog, but then I find myself going blank on what exactly to blog about; that won't bore y'all, and so far I have no clue but I decided to blog anyways...so here goes nothing!

I had a mini-reunion the other day with about five of my high-school class mates. We decided to meet up for dinner since one of us was visiting from Naij. I had a good time, catching up and all. I still pinch myself sometimes when I see us all grown, working, running homes and being women. I can still vividly remember the first day we checked into boarding house, getting punished by Seniors, bailing out of school to attend parties...being young, and carefree. *sigh* how time flies. #Thankful for the people I have met through my sec school experience, the friendships, the life lessons etc.

Speaking of being young and carefree, I was talking with my close friend the other day and we were reminiscing on how different 'young love' is compared to being in love/being in a relationship now that we're a bit older, and more mature. Then we used to do silly things like writing poems, love letters, talking for hours (sweet nothings!), making slideshows with pics and music, saying I love you twenty times a day just because that's how you felt and you deeply meant it, just loving freely without over analyzing, no rules, just love. 
Now, there's so much to think about that that 'young love' feeling is almost absent. Things that we weren't thinking about/considering before...are we compatible as life partners? Can I get along with his family? Do we have the same values/goals? Do I fit into plans? What can I compromise on? What can't I compromise on? How does he handle certain issues? Will he be faithful? Will he make a good father? Is he financially stable? Does he have potential/drive? Is he putting this drive into action or is it all talk? Are we spiritually strong? Is he motivating/challenging you to be better?...and the list goes on and on lol. 

I remember when I was much younger I used to say I couldn't understand how and why people found it hard picking a husband or wife. To me it was as simple as if you like someone and they ask you to marry them, you simply say yes. Oh to be young and naive! lol

Lots of people getting married, and having babies! I love babies and I love weddings! Pinterest sure helps in fueling my love for weddings too. But I know for sure I'm not mentally ready for marriage. For people who are married (MyneWhitman :) ), did you know you were ready? Can you explain what that felt like? 

Ok enough about weddings, marriage and all. Christmas is around the corner, and this will be Chairman's first Christmas here. I haven't gone gift shopping, don't know what to get him...actually I think I do. As for me I really don't know what I want...I've been eyeing this Steve Madden bag (below), this Tommy Hilfiger bag (looks better in person), the MK watch (below), and I've always wanted a necklace from Tiffany's (I have a thing for white gold, silver...) Which of the bags do you guys prefer? 

  
Steve Madden Bgambit Satchel
  


Michael Kors Watch

I haven't spent Christmas in NY in about 3 years. I need to make a list of fun Christmas-sy things to do and see with Chairman for the holidays.

Hope everyone has a wonderful, well relaxing weekend!

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!





     

Thirsty Tuesdays II

Y'ello 


How's everyone's week going so far? Hope great! So it's a bit slow here on the 9 - 5 so I decided to quickly crank out a post before I succumb to laziness and not update le blog. :)


I can't believe February is over! I mean it was just Valentine's day two days ago...no? Wow...time is going by fast sha.


Over the weekend it was a friend's birthday, and her closest friends organized a surprise b'day party! *sigh* I love surprises...and a surprise party would be nice. Just knowing that people took out time, funds and effort to organize something really nice for you is a great feeling. To be loved, is a great feeling.


So, even though my b'day is 4 months away it got me thinking, what am I doing for my b'day this year...I mean after-all it is the "Big 25!" *sigh* I am getting old! (But, I don't look it, did I tell y'all I got carded at the movie theatre about 3weeks ago) Anyways, my friends say it's gonna be hard to top my last b'day on the Party Bus (catch up here), which everyone agrees was the best party of the year!! I was sooo happy that day! Well so far the options we're playing around with are; a destination party, roof-top themed party, boat cruise party. The themed party is my favorite/most reasonably priced for now :) Time will tell...


Still on birthdays...it's my friend's 23rd this coming weekend. I don't know what to get her! I need suggestions PLEASE! Like I'm totally clueless! Like I can't think of something that she's really crazy about...or something that she likes to collect. This is hard! :( 


Stilllll on birthdays...(this is the last I promise!) it's my Mom's birthday in about 3 weeks...no clue as to what to get her either. What do you get someone who doesn't know how to do for herself, but just gives, gives, gives...my Mom gets more happiness from making sure others are happy. I'm not kidding you! I want to get her a spa date, but getting her to actually gooo to the spa na wahala! Mommie is gonna be 60! Lord please loooong life and good health for her! Amen. 


What would you do if you found yourself in love with your best-friend's fiance who initially was your casual platonic friend first, before he/she started dating your best-friend?


I watched the movie Something Borrowed over the weekend, and that was the story...and some of us were conflicted on the issue. Do you lose your friend of since primary school/high school/college over a guy? Or do you pick your friendship over a guy who could possibly be "the one" (Note that by "the one" I believe that we can be compatible with more than one person, but what if this guy is your 95% match, and every other guy would probably be 70 - 80% match...hope this makes sense?)  What would you do? 


On last week's episode of Private Practice, Jake Reilly told Allison Montgomery  (and I'm paraphrasing)...When I'm in a relationship, I go all in. No buts, what ifs or maybe. I've been there, done that and I'm done playing games because I know what love is, and I know how it feels to lose it. I'm a good man, but you're not ready for what I have to offer. You say you want me, but you're still pinning after another man...and until you're ready for all of this and me, I'm not going to have sex with you or become an item with you.


...This just got me wondering, sometimes people say I want to be in a relationship, I want a man, I want a girl-friend, but are we really ready for what commitment entails? In Allison's case, its the fact that she's still stuck on her ex, but at the same time sees a good guy that she wants. For other people it could just be being mentally ready to share your life with another. It's no longer me, me, me...are you ready for 'us'? Are you financially ready to handle 'us'? Even spiritually, when you pray or you're trying to do better in your faith you can't just focus on you alone, you intercede on the other person's behalf too...'us'? Career growth you have to carry each other along regardless of the different paths you're on, you need to support, encourage and motivate each other...'us'? Personal interests and past times; sure watching Soccer isn't your thing but it's his so you find a way to either like it or just respect it (Eg #TeamArsenal by boyfriend lol)...no selfishness...'us'?


So yeah you get my point...it's great to have a man/woman and to be in a relationship, but are you really ready for #TeamUs? If you are not, I say enjoy singledom...enjoy your space...enjoy not having to check in with anyone...and when you are ready, then you can join TeamUs. Hope this makes this sha.


Let me know your thoughts guys...  


Have a great week guys!!! 


Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!      

...Are You Happy?

Hi Guys,


It's been a very very long minute.
Sorry my life got a bit chaotic, and just had to take some time off here.
Work is going okay...6months so far and it kinda feels longer than that. Bless God for everything.
My side gig is going good, baby-steps in the right direction hopefully. Was part of a big Naija event recently and I am grateful for the experience and the connections made. God go continue go dey make me bigger in Jesus name.


I was reading Neefemi's post about a friend asking her if she was happy...and that's a question I've been asking myself and everybody has been asking me in the past two months plus. And I still don't know what my answer is. What is happiness? How do you measure happiness? Is happiness a fleeting moment? Is it a conscious decision regardless of what's happening within and around you? How do you decide to be happy when somewhere within you there are questions of what-if, nagging at you and tugging at you?


So yeah, I don't know if I am happy, because I am not exactly sure what this happiness truly is. But there are moments during my day when I smile. When I'm drowning heavy in my PR work, keeping busy, surrounded by people, having a good time and in good company, I don't feel low, or sad. I laugh, I dance, I smile, I give hugs, air kisses and I can be described as bubbly. But then there are those moments, usually when it's just me, myself and I, when I'm having conversations in my head and playing back the tape of my life so far and daydreaming of what the future could possibly hold, I can't help but wonder and ask myself questions.


Did I make the right decision? They say it's usually toughest just before dawn. Did I give up just before dawn? Am I such a heartless, and selfish person for walking away when I was needed? *sigh* I'm not the most generous or kindest or a Mother Teresa kind of person, but I do the best I can to be there for people close to me and whom I love. And in times like this when I'm the one now causing someone and in a way myself pain and hurt, it sucks! It really does. But God knows I tried. I believe I did. And as much as I would like to hang in there, and be strong... I just don't have the strength to keep on. I feel drained. 
If you watch Grey's Anatomy and remember when Meredith was drowning and refused to swim or save herself...and Derek kept asking her why? That's what this feels like.


I just can't will myself, my heart and my mind to hold on. I'm just there watching as it slips away and I just can't will myself to hold on. And before u say oh isn't it worth fighting for? It is. But I dnt have the strength. *sigh* I wonder if I'll regret letting a really good one go. Will I ever find one just as good or even better? They say its hard to find these days...but that if you get back on the scene, take ur time and pray u'll find a good one. Problem is I've never really been on the scene, so I feel like a fish out of water. Having to start all over, learn a new person all over, likes and dislikes, their past, present and dreams, to begin building all over *sigh*


I miss companionship
I miss conversations; deep and trivial
I miss jokes; new and repeated
I miss arguments; nah not really
I miss the endearing name calling
I miss the understanding that comes with time together
I miss feeling like part of a team
I miss knowing that I'm someone's woman
I miss my bestfriend; real bad


What I don't miss?


I don't miss having to wait 11months to be kissed, held and cuddled
I don't miss having to wait 11months before cooking and eating together
I don't miss coming home to loneliness and a cold bed and wishing
I don't miss the numbness I get from typing for hours on bbm
I don't miss not being able to make weekend plans even if it meant hopping on a plane to go visit him a few hrs away...


My point is distance sucks! It's not like ending the relationship means I get to do all these things automatically...no it doesn't. But at least I'm in not in pain of longing and wishing and hoping. Now I just know I dnt have it at all, than to have it and its out of reach. I miss him sometimes. But they say time heals. I just hope I didn't let "the one" go.


Let me go and eat and try and be productive for the remaining 6 hours of the day. I've been trying to immerse myself in work cos when I'm busy I don't have time to think or feel or second guess...but as for happiness, I don't really know what it means but from hour to hour, day to day I try to find a smile here, or a laugh there and just be. I've never really been single so this is new to me, I'm trying to enjoy it and find myself lol these are terms single ppl sometimes use to deceive themselves lol but its all good. It is well!


Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!

Hanging In There...

...Hang in there, that's what we say to someone going through a rough patch, with the believe that that rough patch will soon pass.
Hang in there, focus on the big picture, it's all a phase...I say this to people and more times than I can ever count, I say it to myself. But, heck it's easier said than done.
The past couple of weeks have been kinda, sorta rough and trying.
Distance sucks huge balls!!! Never get into a LDR, I tell ya, its the worst thing you can do to yourself *sigh* 


Now that I'm done with school and I'm now working, I feel the distance more than ever. Before, I had school to keep my focus, and keep me busy/distracted. But now that I have my weekends, and after work hours to myself, I find myself feeling his absence more and more :( I mean, I wanna go out to dinner, movie or even just walk through the park. Road-trips, vacations, and even lazy indoor weekends...*sigh*

It's summer and everyone is going away on vacation to diff places, acquiring new experiences and memories, I'm just here. For someone who loves to travel I sure as hell haven't done any in years! Instead of planning trips, I save up vacation time to be able to go visit Nigeria. I mean Naij is fun during Christmas and all, but it would be nice to travel somewhere else...even Dubai, South Africa ain't a bad idea.

My good friend who used to be my plus one to events and hanging out now has a boyfie so yeah, I don't see her anymore and I don't like hanging out  with them...being a third wheel isn't fun either.

So I'm hanging in there, but I gotta say it ain't easy and some days I almost want to just stop hanging and just...you know how when Meredith drowned in Grey's Anatomy, instead of fighting and swimming she just let herself drown? Yeah, that's kind of how I feel sometimes. Maybe my McDreamy will come and save me like Derek came to save Meredith *sigh* wishful thinking abi? Smh

Ok, I'm gonna stop now so I dnt sound like I'm whining...I just needed to talk and share without feeling bad or selfish. :( 

My birthday is in 2weeks and I don't know what I'm doing this year...tired of the usual dinner and drinks...wanna do something nice and fun. Suggestions??? If I had my own place, I would have thrown a BBQ party but oh well. I'm getting old, but thank God I dnt look it. I can still pass for 16-17 :) and that's about 7yrs off my real age; not bad eh? I know.

Have a great weekend every one and thanks for lending your me your ears :* 

Hugs and Kisses,
Miss Enigma! 

...Double Anniversary...!!!

Hi Me Darlings,

It's been a minute! It's been a really crazy week and it's about to continue with this week again, but I am grateful...I nor complain o.

So I'm not going to give a review of the NEAs becos I think I'm kinda late (:( sorry guys), and everybody else has already given y'all whatever gist there is. Nothing extra ordinary happened jare... But I got to meet a lot of people, bloggers, twitter family, old high-school friends, made new contacts...and got to take pics with awon celebs them, and party with them. I got to meet Neefemi, OriginalMgbeks, and Ray (I dnt know his blog link :(, but he is a regular on Verastic radioshow and my twitter paddy). I really wish I could put pics, but I'm not ready to loose my anonymity (of which I think my cover has been blown lol but make we dey look sha). Aside from the time delay, poor organization/production, and girl drama in the hall...I had a great night! Got home at about 5.15am.

In other news this September is a double anniversary month for me o. I started blogging Sept. 1st 2008! And three weeks after that day I reunited (via FB) with an old "friend" whom I had lost contact with since 2005. One thing led to another and today he is My Luv. *wink wink* Two years and counting...if anybody had told me things would have turned out the way they did, I would have sworn...impossible! Talk about drama, decisions and hurt...but we still dey o. For those who want to catch up on ur journey...feel free to indulge here:

http://undercover07.blogspot.com/2008/10/man-drama.html

http://undercover07.blogspot.com/2009/05/case-of-ex.html

http://undercover07.blogspot.com/2009/05/letter-to-exlast-scene.html

http://undercover07.blogspot.com/2009/09/kiss-to-remember.html   

There have been ups and downs but at the end of the day, the past two years have been good...really, really good. Neither one of us is perfect, but there's nothing like having someone who makes your happiness a priority...supports you...and takes steps towards improving himself and you. And even when we have our misunderstandings and I'm forming upset and all, my heart is secretly going pitter patter at the sound of his voice...his voice...*blushes* my Mother is convinced that that's what got me attracted to him before I started noticing his personality n' all...and I dnt doubt her...lol. Even my closest friend can testify to the...sexiness of his voice.

But all kidding aside, the one thing I've come to appreciate from this relationship is the manner in which we resolve issues, communicate and get through rough days. I used to think I communicated well in relationships, but ermmm no, I ddn't. But I'm learning to do so now, and even when I'm being a hard-nut his patience and genuine show of concern helps a lot. LDRs are NOT easy and sometimes they take a toll...but even with the rough days...I am grateful.

So today, I am thankful and appreciative of what I have, what we have... and I pray that the good Lord continues to order our steps and bless us. 

Have a wonderful Sunday and week ahead me darlings!!! And for those of us praying and waiting for breakthroughs...He hasn't forgotten us. 

Talk to you soon,

xoxo,

Miss Enigma!!!           

     

Men + Relationships

Hello there darlings...

How's everyone doing? Hope your week got off to a great start! And y'all are kicking ass at whatever you're doing. Shout out to Sting...like I said, just surround urself with God and positive energy, you'll be fine.

So the other day funmsdrebirth's post was asking if taking "breaks" in relationships are usually successful or do they lead to the death of the relationship. IMO I think it leads more to the death of the relationship (but there have been exceptions!)... But again, I was thinking what do you then do when a relationship seems to have hit that stage where the excitement level is running on low. And I'm not talking 3weeks into a rship...let's say 2,3,4,5, yrs into it. Do you take a break to try and "figure it out" or you stay together and try to find the spark again? 

Is it possible to just wake up one morning after a couple of years and not be as crazy in love with your significant other as u were before? I mean you still care deeply about them but just not crazy in love. Where does the love go? Does the crazy in love feeling return? Where are my married, quarter to marry, in a serious relationship bloggers pls come and answer.

In other news, pls what kind of men is the world breeding nowadays? And what kind of crap/BS are girls condoning nowadays in the name of having a man. Since I'm not in the dating scene, I'm always excited to hear gist from my single friends...it's interesting to hear what's going on; what the new pick-up lines are, and the general lay of the land. But this summer ehn! the kind of nonsense behavior that awon guys were exhibiting was jst shocking. What happened to the days of basic courtesy and respect? As my friend will say if u can't handle basic human interaction how can you handle a relationship? Little things like calling when u can't make a date. Manning up and apologizing when you screw up, not trying to brush it off and ignore the issue. Trying to get a babe to lower her expectations and standards to suit their irresponsible behavior so that they do not have to be held accountable. Tsk tsk tsk...smdh! All these awon Wall Street, New York boys that feel like they are the ish, kmt!!!


In other news, my last semester in undergrad begins tomorrow. Thank you Lord! 
So ermm...yeah its 4.30am and I haven't slept so this post  is coming to an abrupt incoherent end...lol...bear with me biko. I know y'all understand.


Talk to you guys soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!

...Gentlemen's Club...

Hey Blogsville,

How's everyone doing? The weekend is here so that is definitely something to look forward to right? I'm glad for the weekend o, I can rest and recuperate from this nasty sore-throat/fever that had me in pains!!! Finally went to the docs office, and got antibiotics and the pain has gone down; at least now I can talk and swallow saliva (sorry to gross u out). Its funny how u overlook certain things until u're hit with rough patches. I'm grateful for good health o! I'll mke sure to not tke it for granted again.

Thanks a lot to SuperMom for taking the day off work to nurse me, drive me to the docs office, the pharmacy and drop/pick me up from school. And the banging pepper-soup she made to mke me feel better. I pray for long-life, so that my kids will meet you and learn from you...Mummy u no get part II, u too much!!!!

My weekend getaway was nice! I had a great time, made new friends and just lounged. Cldn't do the para-sailing and jet-skiing cos they ddn't hve them anymre. But all in all we had a good time, beach chilling, hot-tub lounging, clubbing...and ermmm I went to a nude "Gentlemen Club" for the first time...lol. (dnt judge me!) And it was interesting to see the men standing there like statues like we've seen too much of this to be moved. And I have to say that some of those girls have skillllssss! The things they can do hanging upside down on a pole...I was like wow! Plus the things the men allow the girls to do to 'em in the name of couch dance...chei...odikwa brutal! Spanking with belt, ripped boxers, jumping on the crown jewels...it looked mre like pain than pleasure to me sha.

On our way back from the club, my friends and I were talking and wondering; "Would you let your man, boyfie, SO, hubby...etc go to one of such clubs?" and "Would you rather go with him or let him go by himself?"  My blogfam what are your candid thots/opinions pls share.

PS: Alcohol is not your friend! At least not mine sha; talk about liquid courage! Smh!lol

U knw where two or three females are gathered, the conversations are endless! So during one of our rship convos these came up:
- Why do ppl stay in abusive rships, even after they have sworn that if such a thing were to happen, they'd pack their things and keep it moving regardless of how hard it might be. And we're not talking about unemployed, uneducated or financially dependent women...but the opposite. Plus there is no marriage or children to use as the excuse. #justwondering

- Another topic of discussion was "love ain't gonna put food on the table". So I heard that there are sme guys who choose to be lazy and or under the notion that if a chic loves them enough, she'll settle into a life of suffer-head...in the name of love? Lol...jokers! Nobody likes to suffer, everybody wants some of comfort in this life...and therefore they work towards it. The guy (or girl sef) who thinks he/she can sit on their lazy behind and manna will fall from above is in lala-land. These days everyone has to know what they are bringing to the table/relationship... the days of monkey dey work baboon dey chop are over! And it is not enough to just have potential; what are you doing with that potential? What moves are you making to make ends meet? A lot of people hang in there in the name of potential...and then patience runs out, potential is not yielding anything...what next? 
Nobody was born with suffer-head on their fore-head, so please lets make sure we are bringing something to the table/relationship if not, love can only get us so far.

In other news, I hear/see that Category B for the blog awards is out. *cough cough* My people of B'ville...my loyal readers, silent loyal readers, regular comment leavers, even those that are not fans sef...biko proceed to the blog awards page and nominate a sister for something naaaa haba? I don dey blog reach one year so I am old enough to be recognized abi? Infact for those that love me well, u can campaign for me.

Oya follow these links to nominate: http://nigerianblogawards.com/
                                                                 http://nigerianblogawards.com/nominate-group-b-categories/

Aiight people...have a wonderful weekend, and I'll talk to you all soon!

Talk to you soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma! 

U have a Man...So What???

Hello B'ville...
How's everyone doing? Hope your week has been great! And as usual I'm sure we're all counting down to the weekend, at least I know I am. My girlies and I (and a few other people from out of town) are having a little weekend getaway. Casino. Beach. Partying. Margaritas/Pina Coladas. Parasailing. Jet-Skiing. *sigh* I so cannot wait.

Anyways, the other day I was reading SBM.org and the topic was "Yes...I Have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend" and it was talking about how to let a guy/girl know that you are unavailable to prevent them from hitting on you. After reading the post, I'm still not sure what is the proper/polite way of dropping the hint without screaming "I Have a Boyfriend!!!"...lol. Because sometimes it's as if some guys are either deaf, have selective hearing or just enjoy being stubborn and relentless for this matter. And then there are the ones that flirt with you, give you all the signs that they are slowly approaching the "I want to be more than friends phase" or "U have a man...so what???" phase, and the minute you try to set them straight and nip that ish in the bud, they deny it; you go come be like say na for your dream you dey imagine things. You almost begin to wonder if you were the one over analyzing things, or whether you don dey craze small small.

I just recently experienced two different situations. Guy A, I met two years ago on a connecting flight to Naija. Couple of very casual how r u, wats new phone conversations within the past two years, and nothing mre o. Next thing dude says he's gonna be in NY and wants to take me to dinner. If to say he say quick lunch or coffee (I dnt drink coffee sha) e for dey manageable...but dinner ke? I'm like sorry that's not possible...he goes on to start spitting lyrics that he knows I'm in a rship, but he is willing to accept whatever I have to offer. Lol...dude, I ain't got nothing to offer u bikonu, not even friendship because from there na other story I go hear. Fwd to last month, he wants me to cme and spend Memorial weekend in ATL...laff nor let me laff. And what am I supposed to tell my boyfie I'm going to do in ATL?Long story short, no deleted. Calls ignored. I nor fit shout.


Guy B, met on twitter, funny n' cool dude. Next thing o boy goes from first name bases to affectionate nick-names;*raised eyebrow* but I'm like no shaking everybody is a dear, darling n sweerie these days so no wahala. But when I refuse to follow bros talk on top skype, kata kata come burst o. I'm like can we keep this strictly twitter n BBM...dude becomes withdrawn and less-friendly, and said why do I have to pull the "I have a boyfriend line". *kanyeshrug* Guy no vex o, dem say prevention is better than cure...I'm only trying to prevent any misunderstanding down the line a beg u. In the words of My Luv, "lead us not into temptation is better than deliver us from evil..."

So my B'ville family what is the correct or less direct way of nipping ish in the bud before it gets unnecessarily complicated. And I understand that (maybe) not every guy is interested in being more than friends, but for the ones that you can tell have an agenda;
- How do you set awon guys straight? 
- And when a guy is being overly persistent and you've done all you can to no avail, do you hand over to your significant other to handle the situation or keep 'em out of the picture? 
- And for the guys that claim not to have an agenda, why una dey vex when babe talk say she get man and nor dey interested in any wuru wuru rumu rumu runs? #justsaying


I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced this, so share your experiences and my blogsville men come and answer oo, calling on SugarKing, DBagucci, Blogoratti, Dynamique Prof, Scribbles, David, and all the other guys (can't remember names ryt now).


In other news, if anyone is coming to NY to visit and wants to hangout, holla @ me. Y'all shd come see the FELA show on Broadway; I plan on seeing it b4 the end of the summer. Friend of mine saw it and gave it great reviews, plus the media has been raving about it too...support your own! And Congratulations to the award winners!!! I berra be a nominee next year o if not ...well make we dey look sha.

Catch y'all next week when I return from my getaway. Have a wonderful weekend ahead, and pray for someone...intercede on someone's behalf.

Talk you guys soon,

xoxo,

Miss Enigma!

         

             

Perfection Doesn't Live Here...

Hi B'ville Folks,

Hope everyone is enjoying the long weekend, and saying a prayer for the men and women fighting to keep us safe...and for the ones who lost their lives fighting. May the good Lord strengthen and protect their families...Amen.

We learn from our personal experiences, and the experiences of others. Sometimes these experiences spur us to do better and not repeat mistakes made in the past, and sometimes they scare us (or me) to the point where in trying not to make those same mistakes we end up handling things the wrong way, hurting ourselves and even those who love us and maybe even landing right back at square one.(I hope this makes sense...lol...but read on) We've all seen relationships, marriages and unions where things were rough, and the bad times out weighed the good. There's the absence of respect, acknowledgment, trust, equality and even love. We see one party take on so much, and by so much, I mean disrespect, abuse -physical, verbal and emotional- humiliation, financial burden and what not. In some cases they are able to opt-out (for lack of a better word) before they lose themselves, and in other cases, they stay and "hang in there" for a variety of reasons. 


To those of us looking in from the outside we sometimes cannot understand why they "hang in there", we are quick to state how if it were us we would do this and do that. All of which is easier said than done. For some of us this scenario is very familiar, because maybe our Moms, Uncles, Aunts, friends, cousins, neighbors, co-workers, and so on have experienced this. And looking at what they went through, I vowed to myself that I won't make the same mistake. I won't tolerate nonsense. I won't allow myself be disrespected. I won't settle for less (and I won't give less of myself). I won't accept abuse in ANY form. I'm sure a lot of us can relate, and knw what I'm talking about.

Trying to find balance between being a good partner, friend, lover and being a young woman who doesn't take nonsense, settle for less, carry financial burden and condone abuse of any kind is not as easy sometimes. I remember during the early stages of our relationship, when My Luv dsn't call, text or come online for one day, I'd have a fit! Get upset with him, and even after he explains and apologizes, I'd still have an attitude. When we have misunderstandings I'd want to have the final word or say. #gbam! lol... To even communicate at times, I'd hold back stuff because I didn't want to be vulnerable... and a whole bunch of other things.

I did all of these becos I was trying to be a no nonsense, do not settle for less, I must be respected and treated right, tough young lady. Now it is ok to want to be that, but I was going about it the wrong way and causing mre harm than good. It is ok to look out for myself, but a relationship is about two people. I was too focused on me, me, me. What about him, and the way he feels? Also respect is earned and not demanded. And instead of getting upset or having an unnecessary attitude, what I really wanted to say was "I missed you, why didn't you call?"...I wasn't communicating properly. I'm not perfect but I keep learning to be a better me, and my gbam gbam ways were not it. Everyday I try to communicate better; if I'm mad or upset, I say it and let it go without holding a grudge. I am not always right. I'm learning that it's ok to be vulnerable it gives him the opportunity to be more than jst My Luv, he becomes my Man. 



Why am I saying all this? Bcos on Saturday, myself and some other participants of Vera's show called out the co-host (Uncle Demola) for not giving us proper examples for us to learn from; the topic was about marriages and divorces, and we were discussing the diff possible reasons why they failed. Again, I am no expert. Just a fellow blogger sharing an experience. My fear of becoming one of those women before me, made me handle things the wrong way...and now I'm learning better ways to tackle 'em. My Luv is patient, and we work it out together. Good things require effort, and we put in the effort because we're both worth it.

Perfection doesn't live here...but continuous learning, patience, support and lots of love do!!!

PS: If this doesn't mke sense, blame it on the fact that it's 2.18am and my eyes are closing and my brain is observing Memorial Day holiday. Ignore any typos or #gbagauns pls. 

PPS: Pls pray for me and my family, been having some weird dreams of late. Prayerpoint: Pray against death, tragedies and misfortune...and pray for stronger and renewed relationships with God. Thanks guys!!!   

Talk to you guys soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!!!

...Long Distance Relationship 101...

Hi Blogsville,

How's the Easter weekend going? Hope great!
I have so much to tell you guys; initially I was gonna blog about some random twitter incident/drama that happened to me, but after Vera's show today, I have something else to blog about. If u missed the Verastic radio show for this week then u're on a long thing! The topic was LDRs (Long Distance Relationships) and you ur girl had to call in and drop her two cents :). So basically, this post is my POV on LDRs, supported with my personal experience.

First and foremost, let me start off by saying LDRs are not for everyone. I say this because a LDR is no joke, it requires a lot of commitment, trust, patience and sacrifice. If you know you can't handle not seeing the person u're in a relationship with for more than a week, month or in my case a year, then just jejely save urself the madness, heart- ache and having to explain why u cldn't control ur 'agro' n 'hysteria' (cc:NiceAnon's post) and went to cheat. I repeat LDRs are not for the weak at heart, and for those who need human servicing on the regular!!!

It is great to be in a relationship with someone who you connect with on so many levels; someone who you are attracted to intellectually, emotionally, physically (very very important oo if not..hmm..lol), spiritually and all the other 'ally' connections that there might be. But I also advice that you and this person are on the same page in regards to career, goals, core-values, and education. He/She should share the same core-values as you so that your foundation is not shaky, and u atleast agree on the values that guide ur way of life, if not u'll end up arguing on everything and anything. He/She should either be in school getting their smarts on, if they've graduated then they shd either be working or pursuing their studies further, if its business they're doing then they better be working their butts off...bottom line is they shd have goals, be driven and be doing something about those goals if not it'll be hard when one person is moving forward and the other is stagnant. U begin to wonder where is this relationship going, is there a future? Can he/she handle responsibilities? And once doubt sets in...you begin to withdraw and slowly it all comes crashing.

Relationships are an investment, and LDRs are a greater investment. I say this because you devote time, emotions, finances and yourself to someone other than yourself with the hopes that that person will give you some ROI (return on investment). Unlike regular relationships where you get to see the person on a regular bases, LDRs are different so to make up for the physical absence the parties involved have to find ways to fill that void and keep the relationship interesting and constantly connected. You spend hours on the phone calling, texting, chatting, skyping, and webcamming*. You drive hours, fly across state lines and across continents to spend quality time, holidays, anniversaries and so on. For important celebrations you send flowers, presents, and lil' reminders just to let them know u're thinking of them.

All these things cost money, and that's why I mentioned in d previous paragraph dat both parties better be doing smething and have some form of financial income. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying money is everything or that it is the foundation on which a solid relationship shd be built; I know that the little things matter and there are somethings that money can't buy...but the reality is this- Big things matter, and little things matter too, but neither the big or the little things come for free...they have to be paid for. I mean check this...its not her birthday but you want to send her flowers just cause...you have to pay for it. You want to have her over during her one week Spring Break, errmm you gotta pay for the flight or drive down. Its his birthday and you can't be there, but u want to send his pressie anyway, after spending about 100bucks on a gift, you still gotta pay UPS or Fedex to ship it...if its overseas well u do the math. You spend hours on the phone and go over ur minutes, you know the phone company dnt waste time in sending you that huge bill...no mercy. So u get the picture now? LDRs are expensive...no talk say I no tell you o!

When I tell people I am in a LDR I see the skepticism in their faces, and the next thing they ask is "Aren't you worried he'll cheat?" and I ask "What stops me from cheating?". It's always easier to think the guy is d one who will cheat, but we babes are not an exception. The truth is if a guy wants to cheat he'll cheat, whether u are at the North Pole or right next to him. We see it everyday, u go out and a guy is wiv his babe but is asking u for ur number. Now this dsn't mean I've never let the thought cross my mind; I used to worry about it at the early stage but if I spend mre time worrying over what I had no control over and no actual proof of, I lose out on all the other great things that this man and relationship has to offer. So if you know you can't handle worrying, thinking, over-analyzing and spy-checking every minute, then spare yourself the high-blood pressure.

Since this post is getting long I'm gonna end on this note, with a message for those who know someone in a/an LDR. Please, please for the love of God, don't be sour and negative about it. Ur friend tells you he/she is in a/an LDR and you immediately start spewing out a number of reasons why the relationship is doomed, why it won't work out and how ur experience was horrible so therefore all others will be just as horrible. Please save us the sermon. This is someone's relationship for crying out loud, show some respect. If you want to drop your two cents do it with sense. They say one man's meat is another man's poison, the fact that urs didn't work out or u've heard dat dey dnt work is not enuff proof that this one wouldn't. Not all face-to-face/ regular relationships make it, so if a/an LDR dsn't make it, it dsn't mke it. Maybe it jst wasn't meant to be, or it was time to call it quits, or the people were jst wrong for each other.

Its hard enough being away from a loved one, dnt make it worse by disrespecting ur friends relationship, and mocking it; encourage and support him/her. If it works out rejoice with them, if it doesn't over a shoulder, an ear, some tissue and organize a girls/guys nite out...cos dats wat friends are for. Be the Cristina to your Meredith!!!!! Be their person!!!

I'm gonna do a part II on this topic. If you have any questions pls drop them in the comment box or e-mail me: MsUndercover7@yahoo.com

Have a wonderful Easter everyone!!!!
Love you guys loadzzz.....

Talk to you guys soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!!!

You're Hired!!!!!

Hello Blogsville,

How's everyone doing? Hope the weekend was fun, peaceful and all u wanted it to be. I had so much school work to do over the weekend, but I didn't achieve much at all...no motivation. Oh well.

Ok so I have small good news for u guys...ur prayers worked!!! I got offered a small gig last week, as a Marketing Intern @ a company that provides software for distance and blended learning; if you use BlackBoard at ur school, you might notice a program on it called Pronto, yeah dats part of their work. I'm so excited...this is like my first internship in my field/major. Still looking for something for the summer...cos this is temp. for now. Thanks for ur prayers!!!!

Spring is here!!!!!! Woohoo!!!So last week we had 60 degrees weather, and the sun was out! Now, it back to dreary, cloudy, foggy weather but its not winter cold so I dnt hve to layer up, so I'm grateful for that sha. Its time to take out this weave/braids and let my hair breathe...its funny how when u think its time to take out ur weave, braids or wateva extensions u begin to get mre n' mre compliments on the hair...lol...and it mkes u kip shifting (9ja lingo) d deadline, b4 u knw it u'll hve wat luks lyk an old mop on ur head. Lol...dat's wat has been happening o...everytime I say i wanna tke d damn thing out, I get compliments n' I'm like hmmm ok 2mre days, 3mre days...lol.

U know that phrase...about the grass being greener on the other side? Ermm, Iono bout dat oo...lol. I remember late '08 I had jst broken up wiv my then boyfrnd, and on hand I was going thru all the whirlwind of emotions that come with ending a 3yr relationship, but I was sorta kinda excited to be single. Felt like I had been trapped, and now I cld be free and jst do me o jare...and enjoy single life...lol. Long story short, ermm I thot single life was easier than being in a relationship, but I beg to differ now oo. The dating process can be fun, but juggling the guys is work sometimes jo..especially when u r jst tryna hve a gudtime and the guys begin to catch feelings, get attached and want to claim ownership...wahala dey. Ermmm b4 y'all get it twisted I'm nt d one in dis situation o...lol...I am no longer on d market, its my recently single friend dats experiencing this.

I'm sooo excited...Dancing With The Stars is baacck.!!! I luv luv luv the show...Derek Hough is a hottie...damn n Maksim is sizzling too. But I jst watched Chad Ocho Cinco dance and dere's smething there...d dude is...I dnt knw wat it is but I like....lol. Meanwhile these judges r funny...lol...Bruno jst said Shannon Doherty was swinging her hands like a primate...lwkmd!!!!

I'm off to continue watching o jare...lol...I love u guys bunchesssss....really do.

Talk to you soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!!!