Virginia's For Lovers :)

Hey Blogsville,

Does anybody still refer to these parts as 'blogsville'? Oh well, how's everyone doing? Can't believe it's Thursday already. This week infact this year has gone by fast. Can't believe in a few weeks it'll be a year since Oga Mi moved here! I catch myself smiling sometimes and wondering like 'he's here...he's here for real, to stay". God is good, too good!

This period through to summer is my favorite time of the year...something about warm weather, blue skies and the sun just makes me happy! 

Caught up with a very close friend from high-school and it was interesting and nice to see that even though we don't talk often the conversation felt like we hadn't missed a beat in each others lives...easy, natural, comfortable and genuine. I don't subscribe to that Drake's school of thought of 'NoNewFriends', but I have to say it seems like the older you get the harder it is to make friends. No? Maybe, its just me then.

Just downloaded pics from Memorial Day weekend, and shout out to whoever created the first camera (too lazy to look it up); to be able to capture special moments and relive that moment over and over long after is amazing. Oga Mi and I went on a roadtrip to VA for Memorial day weekend and stopped over in D.C on our way back...our first vacay.

We visited the Virginia Aquarium, some Naval museum and ship (Nauticus), and just generally explored the area and went to the beach, but the weather wasn't on it's best behavior.

Read something the other day that simple said (I'm paraphrasing here) ...at the end of the day we are all trying to figure out how to live this life, and be happy and loved while doing so. I totally agree; it's just the way we go about it sometimes hurts others. I hope that as we try to figure out this thing called life, that we take a min to consider how our actions affect those around us. 

Case in point my dear roommate who is talking loudly on the phone @ 1.22am!!! Lol some of us want to sleep biko.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

Hugs & Kisses,

Me.

Who's The Mole?

Hi Blogsville,

Longtime no speak...I think we can skip the part where I apologize for my absence and tell you I've been busy yadi yadi yada.

I'm alive and well, and you are too - honestly, that's all that matters and is enough for us to be thankful for!

The #Scandal tweets are killing me right now! Can't wait to watch it tomorrow and see what everyone is going crazy about. Shonda Rhimes is gonna have people suing her for emotional distress, and heart failures and all sorts of other things from watching the show. Love it!

The weather in NY is just annoying right now, I mean two days of rain, cold today, slightly warm tomorrow...I can't keep up! I just want stable weather :( is that too much to ask for?

Had a stressful day at work today...it's been a pretty busy week in general and then my computer was sha just not cooperating with me. I just jejely packed my bag and came home - honestly I think I also just didn't want to be there. Been feeling uninspired and unexcited by the work lately...praying for direction and guidance.

Got off work and wished I had something to do. Something fun. You know like dance class, gym (I've never worked out in my life and I'm reminded of how out of shape I am when I try running up two flights of stairs and can't breathe), just anything to help take my mind off my frustration with work. Something exciting to look forward to. So when I got home I decided to take a walk and somehow walked into Modell's (sports store) and bought my first real pair of sneakers and a bathing suit. Is this what quarter-life crisis is like? Or am I just bored and itching for some form of change or excitement now that spring is here?

BlackBerry is the absolute worst! The worst! Why am I still using it? Well, because I don't know what to do with all the people I have on BBM. All the other messenger apps are not the same. This is torture and imprisonment by BB makers. Using BBM to hold people to ransom. *sigh*

Last week someone reached out to me to contribute a write-up to a series on their site. I was shocked at the offer, but happy and nervous. Didn't know what to write about till the night before. The write up got published yesterday and I've gotten really good feedback...so thankful and humbled :)

Memorial weekend is coming and after shouting to My Oga that I don't want this Memorial weekend to meet us in this NY, by hook or by crook I just want to be out of town....so far we have no plans lol. *sigh* I just want a change of scenery so bad! Still thinking of where we can go that's affordable even if its near NY. Open to suggestions o...quick getaway or roadtrip let me know pls.

Aiight folks I think my rambling randoms makes up a likkle bit for my absence..no? lol

Have a wonderful Friday and weekend ahead! Be present!

Hugs & Kisses,
Me.

My Favorite Season

Hi Guys,


Long time no blog! I apologize, life has just been moving so fast that I find it hard to keep up at times...but I've been reading all your posts and updates. I just haven't had enough time to sit down and compose one of my own.


Summer begins today! Woohoo! Summer's my favorite time of the year! Sandals, summer dresses, sunglasses, beach, outdoor shows/events, BBQs, *sigh* these are a few of my favorite things! Hence why Summer is my favorite time of the year. The heat came in full-force today in NYC...94degrees, feeling more like 100 ain't no joke, and I ain't complaining :) I need the Vitamin D.


My b'day is about 2weeks away! Another reason why I love this time of the year. It's my day, and I get to have friends all around me, having a good time. I'm always so happy when I'm surrounded by friends, acquaintances and everyone is having a good time...it makes me happy when my peoples are happy, yes, peoples lol. What do I have planned for they day? Trying to do a roof-top party kinda thing, but finding a roof-top venue in NYC that'll allow me have my own DJ na wahala...but we'll see how it goes. Last, last we'll all just pack inside someone's house and party don start be that. See the beautiful thing about my peoples is that it doesn't matter where we are, we ARE the party, so as long as we are all together and gbedu dey, everything's good. Will gist y'all how it goes sha. 


Anyh


This year, its the big 2-5! I don dey old shaa. *sigh* But I can still pass for a 16/17 yr old :) I gerrit from my mama. I'm thankful for life. My big b'day present for this year is arriving a week before my b'day :) Hint: When I hug my present, my present hugs me back...unlike my pillow. And my present gives kisses, really good kisses! :) That's all I'm giving away. 
Ehen! my dear readers where can I find a banging, correct foinnne dress to buy in thi NY? I don't wanna buy a dress that on that day I'll see three people wearing the same thing...and my close friends have banned me from wearing my default style of cloth which is skirt and blouse lol x_x pls help a sister out!  


"There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve; the fear of failure" - The Alchemist (Paulo Coehlo - love his quotes!)


I worry about failing, but I also worry about not trying, not knowing, and then looking back years, years from now and regretting not doing, not trying. But its so hard to take that first step, especially with the world watching, waiting to judge...both fairly and harshly. To pull you down and laugh as you fall, or be amazed as you rise and then want to be a part of your success. Lord give me the strength, courage and wisdom to start and to keep moving. Because I don't want to be a weisst lol, 


I just read this old post on Myne's blog Visa lottery, moving to the US and moving back to Nigeria, and it just reminded me that I have a few thoughts about it but post for another day.


Have a great day everyone! Hang in there the weekend is almost here!   



Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!
xoxo




   

Have You Seen Him?

Hi Me Darlings,


X_X Yes, yes I know I've been bad. I didn't make it through my blog challenge even those who started after me have finished! *sigh* story of my life! I'm actually really mad at myself because I was hoping for once I'd finish something I started. I'm thinking of still continuing just to prove the negative voice in my head wrong.


Neways, it's been a whirl-wind these past three weeks plus. I miss the days when I was a child and was free of making decisions that involved other people...when life was care-free and just pleasant. I respect bloggers who are open and candid about their lives, I wish i could do that. Part of the reason I stay anonymous is so I can be free to express myself, emotions and all, but still I can't. Why? Afterall, this is my blog you might ask. Well first off there's the feelings of other parties involved to be respectful of, then there's just the fear of being judged by readers. I knw we might say "ohh I dnt judge", but we all do unconsciously. We create this perception of a person based on the parts of themselves that they share with us, and sometimes we are wrong. Neways, my point is I dnt wanna be wrongly judged or misunderstood and I also dnt want people who haven't met me to have the wrong impression.


And so for the above reasons I can't really say and express myself the way I would want to. (I should just shut down the blog then, right? :) ) Life is like a classroom, we keep showing up to class everyday and learning something new, but we never graduate or stop learning until we take our las breath. Isn't it funny how when you need to make a decision and you reach out to ppl who you respect and love for their advice/2cents and they tell you "do what makes you happy" smh lol....if I knew what made me happy, I won't be coming to you for advice. And then some say A, some say B and at the end you're back at square one...lol...and even more confused than you were. *sigh*


"Do what makes you happy" I wish I had a looking glass that would allow me look into the future so I could tell what exactly would make me happy. But life doesn't work that way right? I know I know. So I'm gonna have to figure this one out the hard way (which some people think is the easy way, but trust me its not). I'm going to take it one day at a time, and just go with it. I have no rulebook, no map, no compass etc just one day at a time.
And yes! I know I need God to help me, and be my ultimate guide but here's the problem...we've not been on talking terms for a while! Yes, I know He's there waiting for me to reach out...but that's the problem I keep reaching out and falling off along the way. If I were God I'd be tired of myself, and I know He's not me but still *sigh*  
I've tried reaching out lately, but something's not clicking. Like normally I would have a conversation with Him, like He was sitting next to me and just talk...but I've tried and I can't get past the first two sentences. Don't know what it is... It's either He's so mad at me that He's currently not listening (y'all know as merciful as He is He still gets angry sha), OR I've just drifted so far away that there's so much noise between me and Him that even though He's there I can't hear Him cos of the "noise", OR I haven't hit rock bottom enough yet; maybe I'm supposed to hit rock bottom so that my cry for help will be louder than it is now, OR maybe I haven't tried to reach out enough and I should just try harder *sigh* I'll keep trying! 


Apartment hunting sucks a**!!! Especially in this freaking NYC! I need to find a room-mate and then apartment before the end of Fall because I don't want Winter to meet me on this my current work commute. My commute each way is about an hour 15mins, and I knw it'll be worse in the Winter with bus delays from the snow and all that BS. Please if you know if anyone in the NY area who is looking for a room-mate please let me know. No weirdos pls! I like to go out once in a while, like to hang out but I also love to have my own space and privacy so I know how to give people theirs. Things I can't stand are dirt and untidiness!!! Hair balls in the shower, dirty dishes in the sink for days, garbage not thrown out are a NO NO! 


Neways, Let me stop before I bore you guys to death with my random ramblings. But I want to say thank you to two people; just when I think I'm doing a good job of putting on a smiley face when infact I'm down and out...they read between the lines and the smileys... so Thank YOU to my booski Lohi and my dear Neefemi!!! I appreciate the both of you!!!  


Have an awesome day!


Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!     


      

Day 2: I Feel Strongly About...

Morning me Darlings,


So yeah, I'm blogging two days in a row :) I guess we can say the challenge is working so far. Today's post should be on "something I feel very strongly about." Hmmm...come to think of it, I'm not the kind of person who usually has strong views on things and argues and defends them everywhere I go. Like I'm hardly ever in an argument, heated debate or discussion about things. For example if people are gathered together talking about politics or women's rights etc I'd be the kind of person who will just say my piece and keep it rolling. I don't stay debating for hours. Now I don't know if that's a bad thing; maybe I'm not passionate enough? Or am I just too open about things that I like to try and see it from both sides? Or am I just not in tune with issues of the world etc? I don't know.


For now I feel strongly about "men who bring nothing to the table." Again, time and time over I've seen an experienced this both personally and through friends. We come from homes where our mothers have been the Hercules in the home. Taking care of things, and doing it with a smile so that the kids don't notice. Telling us, oh Daddy & I got you this, but we know the truth. It's one thing to have a woman be the breadwinner, but also to have a husband who gives her due respect and appreciates her for what she does. But when some men still belittle their wives/significant others despite the fact that they the men are not bringing shishi (nothing) to the table, that I can't stand! It's crushes me!


Time to bring money for school fees - "I don't have", "Where do you expect me to get it from?" "Why is the school fees so expensive? Isn't there anything cheaper?" *sigh*


Pls money to go to market for the month - "Manage whatever is in the house", "Thief! U want to go and buy the whole market", 


Christmas is coming, this children need clothes - "That's how u spoil them abi", "They should wear last yrs clothes"


Stupid, irritating responses meanwhile these men are keeping mistresses outside, even in the same school that their kids are going to, where they complained that tuition is too expensive. *sigh* I could go on, but you get the picture. This too is one of my worries/paranoia that I don't want to end up in such a situation, 'cos heaven knows I won't take it. I can't take it. I'm patient and understanding but these have limits. I don't intend on being a full-time housewife, but I do not want to carry the whole family on my tiny shoulders. 


Few years ago, I was the girl who would say ahhh dnt be hard on the guy, jst manage. I didn't want to be thought of as a gold-digger, but today, my tone is different. I'm not saying the guy should be TFB or some millionaire, but please if I am bringing something to the table, I see no reason why you shouldn't. Love is great! Love is wonderful, but show me stability and financial security in addition to the love.


So there, you have it. This is what I feel strongly about - Men who do not bring anything to the table. And this is why I said yesterday that hardworking men def win my heart.


*TFB - Trust Fund Baby




Have a great day guys!


Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!      

Random Thoughts In My Head

Hi My Luvlies...

TGIF again...the year is definitely going by fast! Like joke, like joke summer is almost over.

I've been lying in bed all day and random thoughts have been running through my head, now that I picked up my lappy, they've all disappeared. Anyways, hop in and let's take a ride through random lane in my head.

- I'm glad u guys liked my short story and attempt at reviving my writing abilities. I'll do my best to continue the story, and I am very open to suggestions, and ideas as to what directions you think the stories should take. Thank you.

- Remember I mentioned in my last post that I had some stuff on my mind...so the other day I was being weighed down and just feeling low, and someone reached out to me :) I had been trying to be strong and all, I'm one to not lyk to bother ppl but she said "I want to be there for u" and I jst broke down and balled (I ddn't tell her I was crying o, nw she knws lol) and she didn't say much, jst a few reassuring words and the fact that someone reached out...was enough for me. Thanks Ms.O!!!

- I've been having mood swings like what I don't know! Not sure if its the effect of Aunty Flo being around or just my usual mood swings coupled with the fact that I have ish on my mind that I jst can't shake off right now.

- I am reading Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" for the second time. I need certain things to register in my head again. 

- They say find something u love doing, and find a way to get paid for it...ermm I don't know what I enjoy doing that I can be paid for. I enjoy things that are Advertising/Public Relations related, iLike to write, iLove to shop, iLike to decorate (part of the reason I cnt wait to have my own place), iLike organizing ...so u see I dnt knw :(

- I like my personal space...and sometimes I just want to be quiet, be by myself with my laptop, phone, tv remote and not be disturbed. Sme ppl think this is weird and can't understand it...and I cnt explain it either. #kanyeshrug

- Never be afraid or hesitant to ask questions. You have a right to know, and to keep asking until u get a satisfactory answer or answers. Dnt brush things off, or second guess urself. Something happened that jolted me back to my senses for a minute...and I realized I was holding back on asking questions. Big Mistake!!! I will be asking questions from here on...no holding back.

- Everyone seems to asking if I'm going to move back after graduation...and the answer is nope. If I'm going to move back there has to be a good enough reason for me to move. Good job, security and stability and a plan. I'm not moving to go and sit down at home and be looking at Uche's face...lol.(that line cracks me up). 

-  Why is it easier for girls to be just friends with guys than for guys to be just friends with girls??? (I'll dedicate a whole post to this) Why can't we just be friends, without complicating things?

- Chances of me going to Naija for Christmas or New Year are about 80 - 20; 80 being me not going. It is what it is.

- Why are guys such jerks?!! You meet a guy and in the space of two weeks u go on a couple of casual dates, and after a lil'tiff u just never call back. Like really? Mscheww

- What's with all these Mothers committing murder and suicide??? If u're so tired and frustrated with life and u want to kill yourself, that's your own cup of tea but why kill your innocent children??? How do you slit your child's throat and set the house on fire??? What do you say when you appear before God? I just can't wrap my head around it.

- This cold/flu is so annoying. Congestion. Headache. Tiredness. Arggghhh!

- It sucks when you care and worry about other people so much, and you have their best interests at heart, only to discover that they are not as concerned about themselves as you are for them. I dnt blame those who have fully adopted the "I'm gonna just do me" attitude...I think I'm moving in that direction.

- Dating is fun, but it is also work. Going on dates, thinking of things to talk about, trying to make sure the guy doesn't cross the line (whatever that means), trying not to get attached too early, juggling the different guys...*sigh* WORK!

- You can never please everyone. Trying to please everyone you end up hurting yourself. You either love me or leave me alone. 

- Settling. How do you know when you're settling??? Why do we settle??? 

Ok I this is getting too long, but oh well. Gotta go shower and get ready to have a good time. It's friday and rather than stay home and sulk at all the things might not be going oh so great, I choose to go out have a good time. It was Zena's birthday yesterday and we're going out downtown to celebrate. Have a wonderful weekend ahead me luvlies.

Thanks for reading this space...it means a lot to me!!!!

Talk to you soon,

xoxo,

Miss Enigma!!!

   

-      

Therapy Meme

Hello Blogsville,

Am sure everyone is glad the weekend is here...I am too. Nothing new is happening at my end...no crazy plans this weekend, a barbecue party tomorrow and a day at the waterpark/beach on Sunday. Just chilled and laid back.

 

#My2cents on the Wande Coal situation. As at yesterday I was of the opinion that WC and his crew should get a good PR team and tackle the situation head-on, rather than go into hiding or trying to lay low for a while. I was also of the opinion that he shd be able to laugh at the situation because a lot of pp will be milking every joke they can out of it, and the earlier you can laugh at yourself the better so that everything can just go away and return to life as usual. But after reading the so-called press release that his camp put out, I have to say I am not impressed at all...Denying that that isn't him? Really? Denial will just make it linger more am sorry. We all saw how Tiger Woods tried to deny and sweep his own case under the carpet and ermm it ended up blowing up in his face. Neways good luck to WC and whoever it was that decided to just mess him up like this, is wicked sha!

 

So I'm kinda in a blogging mood but no topic comes to mind at the moment so I've decided to do that meme that I think Sting started...hope you guys enjoy.     

 

 

Right now I'm feeling ...excited becos My Luv just came online and I get to chat with him; talking to him always brings me joy :)

When I'm alone I feel like ...I feel like I'm alone and sometimes I enjoy my me time, other times I want company. 

 

When I'm surrounded by people ...it depends on who I'm surrounded by; but usually I like to talk, gist and have a good time especially since I don't go out often...so when I have ppl around I try to enjoy the moment. 

One thing I hate is ...untidiness, laziness and free-loaders (sorry I have 3 things)

 

One thing I really like about myself is ...my ability to make people and loved ones laugh and smile...iLove when people are happy, it makes me happy...and iLike that I am able to adapt to situations...if its to soak garri, I'll soak and when its time to eat filet mignon, I can eat that too. :)

When I'm feeling sad ...I go thru a series of moods;from sadness, to anger, to avoiding the emotions, then tears, then sadness, tears and then sunshine :) When I'm sad I criticize and blame myself for everything including things past sef...then I slowly try to tlk myself out of it. *sigh*  

When I daydream it's usually about ...Lol graduating, getting a good job, getting my apartment, settling down; I'm constantly daydreaming of the day this LDR will end...I've created different versions of how it'll happen...daydream about it so much I almost think its real smetimes *sigh* Distance sucks balls!!! 

 

I'm afraid of ...of going through what she went through...I refuse to patch patch, and settle...I want the best, or as close to it as possible. 

I'm happiest when ...I am with my whole family, they make me feel loved and appreciated...when I am with My Luv, he makes me laugh and feel special.

One thing that really worries me is ...what does my future hold, and that of my own family (husband and kids)

If I could change one thing about myself it would be ...my anger...I let it get the best of me sometimes, and even when I say I'm over something...I'm still in a moody state and it tkes a while b4 I'm able to totally shake it off. 

 

If I could be with anyone right now, I would be ...with My Luv.

The family member I'm closest to is ...My darling Mom...she's my bestie tohh bahddd. Been there through thick and thin, sacrificed so much for me, my #1 cheer-leader...and even when I screw up she dsn't judge! It dnt get no better.  

 

If I was really honest with my Mother I would tell her...that she deserves better, much much better...but we can't take back the past so from here on, she'll get only the best.  

One thing I regret about my life is ...hmmm I usually dnt dwell on my mistakes long; but if I cld do have a do over, I wld have been more serious during my freshman and sophomore years...I had no excuse having mediocre grades.

If I only had one more day to live I would... I would spend it with loved ones, and also with God.

If I was really honest with my father I would tell him ...You don't miss your water until the well runs dry...and by the time you do, it'll be too late. Also, I miss what used to be, what could've been...but life goes on.

One thing about me that nobody knows is ...Hmmm...if I told you, I'd have to kill you *wink*

I hope that Someday in the future...I hope for a lot of things oo...I jst hope that I live a fulfilled life, and make an impact in the lives of those I come across.

When I think about my family I feel ...Blessed. On top of the world. Loved. From aunties, to uncles, grandma, sister, inlaws, cousins, nephews...chaii...I am blessed.

Something I'm really embarrassed about is ...I laugh off my embarrassing moments and so they just are funny moments not embarrassing ones...lol.

One thing about me I never want to change is ...my ability to connect with my emotions...even tho I get mad at myself for being too emotional smetimes, I'm glad I am...I'd rather be able to feel than not feel at all.

One thing I feel really proud of is ...just howfar I've come in life...I dnt have a wall of awards, but I'm just happy with my continuous growth as an individual. Proud of my Mom too.

Blogsville has helped me to ...make virtual friends, (even though I'm still shy to make friends, jst incase it dsn't work out...dnt wanna be judged), helped me be mre grateful for my life, helped me be hopeful and believe in myself more.

One thing I like about blogsville is ...my somewhat anonymous state, the beauty in how our lives are so different, but yet so similar...the feeling belonging and community.

So yeah this is somewhat therapeutic...makes you think about stuff. Hope you enjoyed getting to knowmore about my weird self...my friends say I'm weird, I dnt agree :)

Have a great weekend guys...luff you!

Talk to you guys soon,

xoxo,

Miss Enigma!!!

 

A Year Older

Happy Birthday to Me. My Dear Blogfam join me in thanking the Almighty Father for another year, and another opportunity to continue to learn and grow. Thank you Lord for life!

So, today I'm a year older and for once I'm beginning to actually feel older. I remember when I turned 18 I thought I had responsibilities then...lol..then I entered my twenties and thought 21 was awesome but now even that is beginning to seem like a distant memory...smh. A while back I was getting ready for work and my Mom said "My daughter is now a woman"...It was like she had just had an "Aha" moment or coming to terms with the fact that her baby is not a baby anymore *sigh* 

All in all, I am grateful for my life and for the people in it. I am also grateful for the people who have walked through my life... It's about 4.40am and the messages are still coming in...the calls from family members and loved ones a reminder that I matter, and I am loved. Honestly, I can't even complain about anything... All I can say is that He has been merciful and faithful towards me.

Few hours ago I was moody and just totally low in spirit but now I refuse to spend my day wallowing in unnecessary moodiness!!! I have no plans to party or anything, did enuff this past weekend, but I'm gonna be a cheerful, happy-camper today because it is my day and it happens only once in a year. I am excited an anxious for the remaining half of the year and what is to come.

I am too happy and hot ( the heat na die oo) to type a coherent post. The heat is on another level...chei! All of us in my apartment are sleeping in birthday suits oo. When u step out it's like u r on the grill...I respect awon construction workers and fire-fighters who wear heavy clothing to work in such heat. I almost want to join the little kids playing in the open fire hydrant...it looks sooo refreshing!

Aiight people...please stay hydrated biko nu. Its not only old people and children that suffer from heat exhaustion. Even animals are dying from it. Have a lovely day, and erm don't forget that voting has started for NIGERIAN BLOG AWARDS!!!!

PLS GO AND VOTE FOR ME (as a birthday pressie) MOST ANONYMOUS BLOGGER

Here's the link below: 

http://nigerianblogawards.com/

Thank my lovelies...

Talk to you soon,

xoxo,

Miss Enigma!!! 

   

Currently Playing: Great Is Your Mercy - Donnie McClurkin

Perfection Doesn't Live Here...

Hi B'ville Folks,

Hope everyone is enjoying the long weekend, and saying a prayer for the men and women fighting to keep us safe...and for the ones who lost their lives fighting. May the good Lord strengthen and protect their families...Amen.

We learn from our personal experiences, and the experiences of others. Sometimes these experiences spur us to do better and not repeat mistakes made in the past, and sometimes they scare us (or me) to the point where in trying not to make those same mistakes we end up handling things the wrong way, hurting ourselves and even those who love us and maybe even landing right back at square one.(I hope this makes sense...lol...but read on) We've all seen relationships, marriages and unions where things were rough, and the bad times out weighed the good. There's the absence of respect, acknowledgment, trust, equality and even love. We see one party take on so much, and by so much, I mean disrespect, abuse -physical, verbal and emotional- humiliation, financial burden and what not. In some cases they are able to opt-out (for lack of a better word) before they lose themselves, and in other cases, they stay and "hang in there" for a variety of reasons. 


To those of us looking in from the outside we sometimes cannot understand why they "hang in there", we are quick to state how if it were us we would do this and do that. All of which is easier said than done. For some of us this scenario is very familiar, because maybe our Moms, Uncles, Aunts, friends, cousins, neighbors, co-workers, and so on have experienced this. And looking at what they went through, I vowed to myself that I won't make the same mistake. I won't tolerate nonsense. I won't allow myself be disrespected. I won't settle for less (and I won't give less of myself). I won't accept abuse in ANY form. I'm sure a lot of us can relate, and knw what I'm talking about.

Trying to find balance between being a good partner, friend, lover and being a young woman who doesn't take nonsense, settle for less, carry financial burden and condone abuse of any kind is not as easy sometimes. I remember during the early stages of our relationship, when My Luv dsn't call, text or come online for one day, I'd have a fit! Get upset with him, and even after he explains and apologizes, I'd still have an attitude. When we have misunderstandings I'd want to have the final word or say. #gbam! lol... To even communicate at times, I'd hold back stuff because I didn't want to be vulnerable... and a whole bunch of other things.

I did all of these becos I was trying to be a no nonsense, do not settle for less, I must be respected and treated right, tough young lady. Now it is ok to want to be that, but I was going about it the wrong way and causing mre harm than good. It is ok to look out for myself, but a relationship is about two people. I was too focused on me, me, me. What about him, and the way he feels? Also respect is earned and not demanded. And instead of getting upset or having an unnecessary attitude, what I really wanted to say was "I missed you, why didn't you call?"...I wasn't communicating properly. I'm not perfect but I keep learning to be a better me, and my gbam gbam ways were not it. Everyday I try to communicate better; if I'm mad or upset, I say it and let it go without holding a grudge. I am not always right. I'm learning that it's ok to be vulnerable it gives him the opportunity to be more than jst My Luv, he becomes my Man. 



Why am I saying all this? Bcos on Saturday, myself and some other participants of Vera's show called out the co-host (Uncle Demola) for not giving us proper examples for us to learn from; the topic was about marriages and divorces, and we were discussing the diff possible reasons why they failed. Again, I am no expert. Just a fellow blogger sharing an experience. My fear of becoming one of those women before me, made me handle things the wrong way...and now I'm learning better ways to tackle 'em. My Luv is patient, and we work it out together. Good things require effort, and we put in the effort because we're both worth it.

Perfection doesn't live here...but continuous learning, patience, support and lots of love do!!!

PS: If this doesn't mke sense, blame it on the fact that it's 2.18am and my eyes are closing and my brain is observing Memorial Day holiday. Ignore any typos or #gbagauns pls. 

PPS: Pls pray for me and my family, been having some weird dreams of late. Prayerpoint: Pray against death, tragedies and misfortune...and pray for stronger and renewed relationships with God. Thanks guys!!!   

Talk to you guys soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!!!

I Need A Shrink...

You ever feel the need to just talk? to someone...anyone...most likely someone who you don't know, who doesn't know you and most likely will never know you. You just meet them somewhere at the airport, at the park, in a jammed elevator and you just talk and after a while you say to each other "Twas nice meeting you" and you both go your separate ways without the intention of ever keeping in-touch or catching up.

We all have friends, but sometimes infact most times, we still keep certain things that happen in our lives away from them. Consciously choosing not to share certain things with them...we hold back. To all the special and important people in our lives we open up to an extent and then hold back some stuff. My question is so who do we then talk to and open up 100% to? With the exception of God, cos even to Him we hold back forgetting that He sees and hears all...lol.

Do you ever get to the point where you've held back, and held back soo much that you feel like you could explode? What do you do? Is that when you curl up and watch ur favorite series with a tub of ice-cream and tears streaming down your face...and at first you don't know why but then there's a mixture of emotions from everything you've been holding back? Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Loneliness. And all the other possible emotions that there are. Or do you reach for liquor to soothe and help you temporarily escape? Or do you write stories or poems? Or you listen to music and ball like a child...and when that gospel song comes that hits the spot you almost want to drop to ur knees wherever you are and just say "Take me Lord, and do as you please" cos I'm tired of holding back?

When I get to that point of feeling like exploding, I write in my journal but not anymore...writing takes too long and the words aren't coming out fast enough. My favorite ice-cream Dulce de Leche isn't helping anymore, shopping is only a temporary escape...music isn't hitting the right spot anymore...I don't want to curl up and cry, I've done that already and I know its not gonna help. I've prayed and well... I just want to talk. I just want to talk without feeling like I'm being judged, without someone thinking I'm a tad bit looney, talk without holding back so I can be free and just be. But talk to who?

We hold back from friends, family and loved ones because well ermmm we dnt want to be vulnerable, scared that if we quarrel with that friend they might have our words as ammunition to hurt us in future, and like that we stay. I started blogging to be able to write and vent anonymously well I'm not anonymous to some anymre so that option is out the window. So this is why I need a Shrink. But my mother doesn't like them...(she's in the health field) she worries that they are quick to label people as depressed and that once that goes on your medical file...its a wrap! They dump anti-depressant into ur system and you go from just stressed to really depressed and looney. :) So if she hears that I want to see a shrink...she'll prolly have heart -attack....mother's are dramatic sha...lol

*sigh* I just want to talk...and let all my thoughts, worries, concerns out...and then pick up my bag and leave...just unload. Is that too much to ask? I want to believe I'm not alone in this, but if I am oh well :) ....But just incase I'm not alone....oya oo share what do you do when you just want to unload...and talk???

Have a wonderful week ahead my luvlies!

PS: I'm not going psycho or anything of the sorts oo....not yet I think...lol

Talk to you guys soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!

...Long Distance Relationship 101...

Hi Blogsville,

How's the Easter weekend going? Hope great!
I have so much to tell you guys; initially I was gonna blog about some random twitter incident/drama that happened to me, but after Vera's show today, I have something else to blog about. If u missed the Verastic radio show for this week then u're on a long thing! The topic was LDRs (Long Distance Relationships) and you ur girl had to call in and drop her two cents :). So basically, this post is my POV on LDRs, supported with my personal experience.

First and foremost, let me start off by saying LDRs are not for everyone. I say this because a LDR is no joke, it requires a lot of commitment, trust, patience and sacrifice. If you know you can't handle not seeing the person u're in a relationship with for more than a week, month or in my case a year, then just jejely save urself the madness, heart- ache and having to explain why u cldn't control ur 'agro' n 'hysteria' (cc:NiceAnon's post) and went to cheat. I repeat LDRs are not for the weak at heart, and for those who need human servicing on the regular!!!

It is great to be in a relationship with someone who you connect with on so many levels; someone who you are attracted to intellectually, emotionally, physically (very very important oo if not..hmm..lol), spiritually and all the other 'ally' connections that there might be. But I also advice that you and this person are on the same page in regards to career, goals, core-values, and education. He/She should share the same core-values as you so that your foundation is not shaky, and u atleast agree on the values that guide ur way of life, if not u'll end up arguing on everything and anything. He/She should either be in school getting their smarts on, if they've graduated then they shd either be working or pursuing their studies further, if its business they're doing then they better be working their butts off...bottom line is they shd have goals, be driven and be doing something about those goals if not it'll be hard when one person is moving forward and the other is stagnant. U begin to wonder where is this relationship going, is there a future? Can he/she handle responsibilities? And once doubt sets in...you begin to withdraw and slowly it all comes crashing.

Relationships are an investment, and LDRs are a greater investment. I say this because you devote time, emotions, finances and yourself to someone other than yourself with the hopes that that person will give you some ROI (return on investment). Unlike regular relationships where you get to see the person on a regular bases, LDRs are different so to make up for the physical absence the parties involved have to find ways to fill that void and keep the relationship interesting and constantly connected. You spend hours on the phone calling, texting, chatting, skyping, and webcamming*. You drive hours, fly across state lines and across continents to spend quality time, holidays, anniversaries and so on. For important celebrations you send flowers, presents, and lil' reminders just to let them know u're thinking of them.

All these things cost money, and that's why I mentioned in d previous paragraph dat both parties better be doing smething and have some form of financial income. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying money is everything or that it is the foundation on which a solid relationship shd be built; I know that the little things matter and there are somethings that money can't buy...but the reality is this- Big things matter, and little things matter too, but neither the big or the little things come for free...they have to be paid for. I mean check this...its not her birthday but you want to send her flowers just cause...you have to pay for it. You want to have her over during her one week Spring Break, errmm you gotta pay for the flight or drive down. Its his birthday and you can't be there, but u want to send his pressie anyway, after spending about 100bucks on a gift, you still gotta pay UPS or Fedex to ship it...if its overseas well u do the math. You spend hours on the phone and go over ur minutes, you know the phone company dnt waste time in sending you that huge bill...no mercy. So u get the picture now? LDRs are expensive...no talk say I no tell you o!

When I tell people I am in a LDR I see the skepticism in their faces, and the next thing they ask is "Aren't you worried he'll cheat?" and I ask "What stops me from cheating?". It's always easier to think the guy is d one who will cheat, but we babes are not an exception. The truth is if a guy wants to cheat he'll cheat, whether u are at the North Pole or right next to him. We see it everyday, u go out and a guy is wiv his babe but is asking u for ur number. Now this dsn't mean I've never let the thought cross my mind; I used to worry about it at the early stage but if I spend mre time worrying over what I had no control over and no actual proof of, I lose out on all the other great things that this man and relationship has to offer. So if you know you can't handle worrying, thinking, over-analyzing and spy-checking every minute, then spare yourself the high-blood pressure.

Since this post is getting long I'm gonna end on this note, with a message for those who know someone in a/an LDR. Please, please for the love of God, don't be sour and negative about it. Ur friend tells you he/she is in a/an LDR and you immediately start spewing out a number of reasons why the relationship is doomed, why it won't work out and how ur experience was horrible so therefore all others will be just as horrible. Please save us the sermon. This is someone's relationship for crying out loud, show some respect. If you want to drop your two cents do it with sense. They say one man's meat is another man's poison, the fact that urs didn't work out or u've heard dat dey dnt work is not enuff proof that this one wouldn't. Not all face-to-face/ regular relationships make it, so if a/an LDR dsn't make it, it dsn't mke it. Maybe it jst wasn't meant to be, or it was time to call it quits, or the people were jst wrong for each other.

Its hard enough being away from a loved one, dnt make it worse by disrespecting ur friends relationship, and mocking it; encourage and support him/her. If it works out rejoice with them, if it doesn't over a shoulder, an ear, some tissue and organize a girls/guys nite out...cos dats wat friends are for. Be the Cristina to your Meredith!!!!! Be their person!!!

I'm gonna do a part II on this topic. If you have any questions pls drop them in the comment box or e-mail me: MsUndercover7@yahoo.com

Have a wonderful Easter everyone!!!!
Love you guys loadzzz.....

Talk to you guys soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!!!

Have you seen my passion?

Hi Guys,

How's everyone doing? Its the weekend again! Its funny how some of us get so excited its the weekend, like we have huge plans when in reality...we don't...lol. It jst feels good to be able to sleep in late, have breakfast in bed (tho u have to get up to put it together), listen to Vera's show, and generally just do you. So yeah, I am glad its the weekend.

In addition to it being weekend, I am on Spring Break so yay me! I sometimes wonder where my adventurous and fun side went to. My whole college life I have never done anything fun and exciting with my breaks; spring break, winter break, watever break...*sigh* nothing! People go to Miami, Mexico, Puerto Rico, London, Paris...my behind stays indoors. The annoying part is I do love to go out (for the most part), but I seem to have surrounded myself with boring people. I love my friends, dnt get me wrong, but I think I need to make more out-going (not necessarily wild sha o) and adventurous friends.

I wanna go on a road trip! To anywhere, Miami ain't a bad idea. My friends wanted to do a roadtrip to Canada but that plan never solidified cos of scheduling issues. London nko...no money. *sigh* Even exploring some really cool spots in NYC won't be a bad idea...I need me some oyinbo, and ching- chong friends ASAP. They are open to trying out things and dnt have drama...lol.

In other news, everyone seems to be getting married left, right and centre. I can't even begin to count how many babes from my set have gotten and are getting married...the thing tire me o. Was talking about it with friends the other day and I personally have nothing against it. When I see pics up on FB or the like I usually say Congrats and wish them well, bcos to me I feel that's all we can do as friends, wish them well. Its ok if some of us think its too early and we haven't gotten both feet strong enough on the ground to uphold a family and the responsibilities both financial and emotional, but if a friend (someone u knw) has decided they are ready to tke the plunge, then so be it. My friend disagrees...lol...she said she can't bring herself to drop congratulatory comments. The part that cracks me up, is when ppl leave comments but dnt knw how to hide the skepticism/surprise....I mean just say congrats and put full stop, not "Babe u r getting married? ehen na wa oo. Congrats" or "Congratulations oooo" or " Are you for real? I wish you well sha"....as in which one is the ooooooo and sha inside?lol.

It seems like everyone is finding their passion or calling, and I can't help but wonder, where is mine? People have photography, make-up artist, writer, cooking/baking and other interesting things...I have nothing, or at least that's how I feel :(. I know someone will say when you where younger what did you want to be? I used to say a Lawyer cos I talked ALOT and my nick-name was 'radio without wire", meaning I cld go on on. But I always wanted to be an actress (still do), but everytime I said it ppl looked at me like yeah right u jst dnt wanna work, keep living in fantasyland...so I let that dream go after taking two acting classes in college.

I just want to find something I'm passionate about...I know its a wonderful feeling doing something you love, not necessarily as a full-time job, but just the realization that this is part of what you were put on earth to do and you enjoy it. I want that feeling. *sigh* So my dear blogville famille...share with a sister, have you found your passion or calling? What is it? And how does it feel?

Have a fabulous weekend guys...and if anyone is in NYC and wants to just hang-out holla @ me.

Talk to you guys soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!!!

La Famille

Hello Blogsville,

How's everyone doing? Hope everyone had a great weekend!

I went to church today, and today's sermon was on PEACE, and realizing that we do not create peace but that the Prince of Peace gives us peace from above that surpasses all human understanding. When I got home, I had that bubbly, God given, Holy- Spirit filled kinda high, you get after church. But that high feeling was kinda short-lived after one phone-call.


It's my Dad's birthday today. I called him to wish him a Happy B'day but the conversation jst felt so rehearsed. Filled with one-liners, lacking emotions of excitement and joy for another year in his life. The tension and the brewing pain/hurt from the words spoken in the past and those unspoken were present but yet absent. And these feelings are mutual. Mine aimed directly at him, but his not necessarily at me per se, but as the child of my mother, whatever is aimed at her, am guilty of as well. It has always been so from the time when we (my sister and I) could understand certain things and chose to cling to her as we are all she's got.


You most likely won't understand this post in its entirety, but am sure u'll have rough picture.

They've been together about 30 years now. He was my Mom's first and only boyfriend. She wasn't into the whole dating thing, very simple, humble and loving and more focused on her education so she could care for her younger siblings. They had 2kids, but u know the African quest for that male child...yup, well that male child did come and he's 2months older than I am. (Go figure). That notwithstanding, she ddn't create a scene...she stayed and kept it all 2geda for the sake of her own kids.

My Mom is the kind of person that will take the clothes off her back so that you can be warm, she'll wear ankara so that you can wear lace, she'll take the back-seat so that you take the front, she'll stand in your shadow so that you get the recognition...and am not saying this jst cause; I get mad at her sometimes sef..."Everytime u r doing for someone else, when will you do for yourself?" Her reply? "If they are happy and ok...I am happy." As a Nurse whenever someone was ill be it from her side of the family or Dad's side, everybody consulted her for advice or for her to refer them to a good Dr. and use her connections. When my Grandpa (Dad's Dad) died she was there by his side, he sent for her.

So few years ago, she got the opportunity to come n' work here in Yankee and cos I was under 21 then I got to tag along. Somehow, things worked out well as per Green Card n' all, and so began our stay here o. Momsie saw it as opportunity for the family in general; I get to go to school here, she gets a good job, we cld file for family members to come visit and what not...and general freedom to travel and boundless opportunities. But u see, he doesn't and neither does his family. As a spouse, he cld have come along, but he ddn't think it was gonna come through now he feels left out. And so has some form of resentment towards Momsie and I. It's funny cos it's not as if life is easy here, u gotta work to get paid. And in a normal house-hold financial responsibility is shared, but here she takes care of it all.

Lol...them say who no go no know. There are good memories of my family o, I won't lie. Lots of good memories, but u know then I was a child oblivious to all this underlying tension that has been on even b4 I was born. But now I'm old enough to understand. And I've learnt A LOT! (will talk about that in another post). Momsie is in her late fifties, and she has spent most of her life doing, doing and doing for people. Giving, giving, giving and caring for people who didn't appreciate. People who just want to squeeze everything they can out of her till there's nothing left to give. But now she's done giving a damn. Afterall, her kids are grown, Sis is a Dr., married with 2kids, and as for me :-) well I graduate next fall. So now she's just doing her and leaving the rest to God...enough is enough.


I dnt knw where I was going with this but I just needed to write to help ease my heart and spirit of the burden at the moment. I don't know if it's the writing that helps or just doing something help take the mind of the issue, but whatever it is, it works cos I'm feeling much better and am back on that high. I'll type a more coherent post concerning what I've learnt, later on sha.

My advice to everyone is that, please respect, honor, and appreciate your parents and your mothers ooo, u don't know what they've gone through, the things they endure just so that we are happy.

Have a great week ahead guys!!!

Talk to you soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!

A Letter to the Ex...(Last Scene)

Dear Ex,

It's unfortunate that it had to come to this. I wish there was an easier way to put an end to what we had, but there wasn't and so things happened the way they did. Regardless, I don't think there really is an easy way of breaking up with someone...especially when the other person doesn't see it coming; but I had to do what I had to do. All through the period we were together, we were like best friends, but breaking up changes that too. It's impossible (in my opinion) to maintain such a tight friendship after that, but I guess you thought differently. You still wanted your best-friend to be there to help you understand the hows and whys, and hold your hand through the healing process...but I needed to heal too. And true healing would not be achieved by both of us still meddling in each others emotions; we had to let go.

From our recent conversations, its clear you didn't, you haven't, and because I did, you hold some amount of resentment towards me. I totally understand, and it's ok for you to feel this way. I had hoped that by now you would have gotten over everything and that maybe, just maybe for history sake we could be cordial...simple hellos, his, and all, because I hate to erase people from my life like they were never there, (I'm still able to have conversations with my first ex, and just see how we both are doing, no strings attached) but like I said, it's clear that we can't have that. I'm not a bad person or a selfish person as you insinuated in our discussion, and because I'm not, I'm letting you go, setting you free. In the words of Leona Lewis reworded

Since there's no more you and me, It's time I let you go so you can be free, and live your
life how it should be... It will all get better in time.

Trust me it will.

I'm doing this not because I have moved on and am in a better place, but because I want you to move on and be in a better place too. Why? Because you deserve it, we both do. And when you get there you'll understand... it's a place where words cannot describe...it is a feeling like no other...you wake up every morning with the same excitement as the first time...subtle acts and kind words leave you with a constant smile...a place where misunderstandings are fine-tuned to better understand the other...and your heart, eyes and actions say much more than your lips ever could...Its a place where no painter can paint, no photographer can capture in film because this place comes from the joy and inner peace of being able to love yourself for who you are, and have someone else love you same, and you wanting to share that feeling with that someone.

The last time we spoke, you asked me what I wanted from you, and I didn't reply then. I want nothing...you gave me three years, and am grateful for them and for lessons learnt. I wish you well and all that you wish yourself...Goodluck in life and all your future endeavors...may the good Lord continue to be with you.

Bye,
Your Ex.

PS: Seeing as this post is already long, and I dnt wanna bore u guys, I'll save my comment on the whole drama till my next post. Thanks guys for being there!!!


Talk to you soon,
xoxo
Miss Enigma!

When does "the past" become...."the past"?

We call it "the past", but when does it really become just that; the past. Once in a while, it finds ways to creep into our present and it brings with it memories, that either make us smile, wonder, question and sometimes do things. Today, mine brings doubt and second-guessing thoughts that hold me from giving, for fear that "the past" will repeat itself. Deep inside I know this isn't a repeat of "the past" and besides, life is a race you have to be in it, to win it. I'm alive so I have no excuse not to be in the race...I tripped and fell before, but I'm going to keep running and if I fall again as a result of life's numerous hurdles, I'll pick myself back up; and God willing my Sun will be there to lend a hand.

Time heals; thats what they say
But what I want to know is
How much time I need
I want to look pretty for you
But I'm covered, with bruises
Bruises that have followed me
From my past

They not only remind me of the past
But bring with them dark clouds
That over-shadow my sun filled sky
You are my Sun
And I want to be your Rainbow
But these dark clouds won't let me

Even with my bruises and clouds
U refuse to set on me
But continue to rise
With the hopes that if u rise high enough
These clouds will move over
And my bruises will fade away



I long to share the skies with you
Be by your side as you rise
And as you set, just to bask in your rays
From East to West
You are my Sun
And I, your Rainbow


- Miss Enigma.

PS: This is not an attempt to be creative, artistic or anything of the sort. It is simply a way of expressing/putting in words, my present state of mind.
Have a great day guys!