Have You Seen Him?

Hi Me Darlings,


X_X Yes, yes I know I've been bad. I didn't make it through my blog challenge even those who started after me have finished! *sigh* story of my life! I'm actually really mad at myself because I was hoping for once I'd finish something I started. I'm thinking of still continuing just to prove the negative voice in my head wrong.


Neways, it's been a whirl-wind these past three weeks plus. I miss the days when I was a child and was free of making decisions that involved other people...when life was care-free and just pleasant. I respect bloggers who are open and candid about their lives, I wish i could do that. Part of the reason I stay anonymous is so I can be free to express myself, emotions and all, but still I can't. Why? Afterall, this is my blog you might ask. Well first off there's the feelings of other parties involved to be respectful of, then there's just the fear of being judged by readers. I knw we might say "ohh I dnt judge", but we all do unconsciously. We create this perception of a person based on the parts of themselves that they share with us, and sometimes we are wrong. Neways, my point is I dnt wanna be wrongly judged or misunderstood and I also dnt want people who haven't met me to have the wrong impression.


And so for the above reasons I can't really say and express myself the way I would want to. (I should just shut down the blog then, right? :) ) Life is like a classroom, we keep showing up to class everyday and learning something new, but we never graduate or stop learning until we take our las breath. Isn't it funny how when you need to make a decision and you reach out to ppl who you respect and love for their advice/2cents and they tell you "do what makes you happy" smh lol....if I knew what made me happy, I won't be coming to you for advice. And then some say A, some say B and at the end you're back at square one...lol...and even more confused than you were. *sigh*


"Do what makes you happy" I wish I had a looking glass that would allow me look into the future so I could tell what exactly would make me happy. But life doesn't work that way right? I know I know. So I'm gonna have to figure this one out the hard way (which some people think is the easy way, but trust me its not). I'm going to take it one day at a time, and just go with it. I have no rulebook, no map, no compass etc just one day at a time.
And yes! I know I need God to help me, and be my ultimate guide but here's the problem...we've not been on talking terms for a while! Yes, I know He's there waiting for me to reach out...but that's the problem I keep reaching out and falling off along the way. If I were God I'd be tired of myself, and I know He's not me but still *sigh*  
I've tried reaching out lately, but something's not clicking. Like normally I would have a conversation with Him, like He was sitting next to me and just talk...but I've tried and I can't get past the first two sentences. Don't know what it is... It's either He's so mad at me that He's currently not listening (y'all know as merciful as He is He still gets angry sha), OR I've just drifted so far away that there's so much noise between me and Him that even though He's there I can't hear Him cos of the "noise", OR I haven't hit rock bottom enough yet; maybe I'm supposed to hit rock bottom so that my cry for help will be louder than it is now, OR maybe I haven't tried to reach out enough and I should just try harder *sigh* I'll keep trying! 


Apartment hunting sucks a**!!! Especially in this freaking NYC! I need to find a room-mate and then apartment before the end of Fall because I don't want Winter to meet me on this my current work commute. My commute each way is about an hour 15mins, and I knw it'll be worse in the Winter with bus delays from the snow and all that BS. Please if you know if anyone in the NY area who is looking for a room-mate please let me know. No weirdos pls! I like to go out once in a while, like to hang out but I also love to have my own space and privacy so I know how to give people theirs. Things I can't stand are dirt and untidiness!!! Hair balls in the shower, dirty dishes in the sink for days, garbage not thrown out are a NO NO! 


Neways, Let me stop before I bore you guys to death with my random ramblings. But I want to say thank you to two people; just when I think I'm doing a good job of putting on a smiley face when infact I'm down and out...they read between the lines and the smileys... so Thank YOU to my booski Lohi and my dear Neefemi!!! I appreciate the both of you!!!  


Have an awesome day!


Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!     


      

A Year Older

Happy Birthday to Me. My Dear Blogfam join me in thanking the Almighty Father for another year, and another opportunity to continue to learn and grow. Thank you Lord for life!

So, today I'm a year older and for once I'm beginning to actually feel older. I remember when I turned 18 I thought I had responsibilities then...lol..then I entered my twenties and thought 21 was awesome but now even that is beginning to seem like a distant memory...smh. A while back I was getting ready for work and my Mom said "My daughter is now a woman"...It was like she had just had an "Aha" moment or coming to terms with the fact that her baby is not a baby anymore *sigh* 

All in all, I am grateful for my life and for the people in it. I am also grateful for the people who have walked through my life... It's about 4.40am and the messages are still coming in...the calls from family members and loved ones a reminder that I matter, and I am loved. Honestly, I can't even complain about anything... All I can say is that He has been merciful and faithful towards me.

Few hours ago I was moody and just totally low in spirit but now I refuse to spend my day wallowing in unnecessary moodiness!!! I have no plans to party or anything, did enuff this past weekend, but I'm gonna be a cheerful, happy-camper today because it is my day and it happens only once in a year. I am excited an anxious for the remaining half of the year and what is to come.

I am too happy and hot ( the heat na die oo) to type a coherent post. The heat is on another level...chei! All of us in my apartment are sleeping in birthday suits oo. When u step out it's like u r on the grill...I respect awon construction workers and fire-fighters who wear heavy clothing to work in such heat. I almost want to join the little kids playing in the open fire hydrant...it looks sooo refreshing!

Aiight people...please stay hydrated biko nu. Its not only old people and children that suffer from heat exhaustion. Even animals are dying from it. Have a lovely day, and erm don't forget that voting has started for NIGERIAN BLOG AWARDS!!!!

PLS GO AND VOTE FOR ME (as a birthday pressie) MOST ANONYMOUS BLOGGER

Here's the link below: 

http://nigerianblogawards.com/

Thank my lovelies...

Talk to you soon,

xoxo,

Miss Enigma!!! 

   

Currently Playing: Great Is Your Mercy - Donnie McClurkin

NOMINEE: MOST ANONYMOUS BLOGGER

H

Hey Blogsville,

So I woke up yesterday and a tweety bird told me that I got nominated!!! Yours truly was nominated for MOST ANONYMOUS BLOGGER...*does a lil' dance* Thank you to all those who took the time out to think of me, and then nominate me (Gee!!!)...I appreciate it. I have very wonderful bloggers in that category...and so it doesn't end here, the work begins...CAMPAIGNING!!!!

My beloved people of B'ville...the loyal residents and constituents of this great community, I implore you to please vote for me :) and encourage/coerce/bribe/manipulate/ (do whatever u possibly can) all those you know, to vote too. What do I have to give in exchange for this wonderful gesture? Ermmm...my continuous loyalty to the community, and sharing with you my sometimes interesting and sometimes not so interesting life experiences and gist sha...lol.

And if the above reason isn't good enough...then just for the fact that it's my birthday in about 9 days, should be enough motivation for you to vote abi? Come on make a sister's day and put a smile on my face...and even though I'm anonymous I promise to take a pic of my wonderful smile and post on here, if I win.

So I'm sure by now you get the koko of this post...it is simply VOTE MISS ENIGMA FOR MOST ANONYMOUS BLOGGER!!!!!!!!!!

Visit here:http://nigerianblogawards.com/group-b/presenting-the-group-b-category-nominees/#comments

PS: Pls feel free to campaign for me on my behalf...muahz!!!

...Happy B'day!!!...

Today, you add another year to your life
As you grow older, may you grow wiser
May your walk with Him continue to blossom
May your steps be ordered
Let His word be a light unto your path
Sickness and tragedy will never know you by name
Negativity and failure will never find you
He will bless you and enlarge your territory

May He go before you to lead you
Under you to uplift you
Beside you to guide you
Behind you to protect you
Above you to bless you
Amen!

Another birthday, another milestone
I pray for more years...
To see your face
To hear your voice and have butterflies in my tummy
To sit n' stare at you and wonder how I got so lucky
To give you the 'the look' when you've had enuff beer
To ask you your opinion on things and make decisions wiv u
To be fed by you...promise not to bite ur finger...NOT!
To sit and watch Arsenal matches...things I do for you
To continue solving crossword puzzles...(I still dnt understnd Sudoku, u hve to explain it again)
To have ur ever listening ear, strong shoulders and encouraging attitude
To have my very own personal clown, always makin me laugh
To have your smile, your touch, your kisses n' gud lovin'

...I could go on n' on, but I want more years of your love, and you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABIE...LOVE YOU!

Talk to you guys soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!

...Butterflies

A wide smile across my face,

Eyes that twinkle with excitement,

A stomach filled with butterflies,

A heart overflowing wiv love;

This is what you do to me

And for these and many more

I love you.

...Undercover07

Uber Excited & Grateful!!!

Hello Blogsville,
How's everyone doing??? How YOU doing? What has everyone been up to? Rounding up the semester? Christmas shopping? Traveling to spend christmas with loved ones? Working? Decorating the house? Well all the best to all of you, in whatever it is u're doing. I hear its Scribbles b'day 2morrow...Happy B'day Scribbs...u don dey old o...lol.

So my Fall 2009 semester ended on Wednesday, and boy am I happy its all over. Am grateful to God for seeing me through; and grateful for the people who in one way or another helped me get through the semester.
- To my Mom who took her day-off on thursdays, or came home early on thursdays so I could drive to school for my 6.30-9pm class instead of freezing my butt off @ the bus-stop or train station...I love you more than words can express.
- To Zena's Sprawlings for being my wake-up alarm :), putting up with my random acts of madness, spontaneous dancing in class/public, working on assgts and portfolios with me, shopping with me, getting me to wear n' luv red lipstick and being a good listener....I appreciate u dear.
- To the Boyfie for being there when family issues got overwhelming...for being genuinely interested in everything that concerns me, and loving me just as I am. U're the best Babie!!!
- To my Blog fam for all the prayers n' good-luck msgs during finals, and rough times...mwah mwah mwah, y'all are freakintastic!!!!

Now my focus is on NAIJA 2010!!!! I'm going home in Jan, and unlike last yr when I spent 2wks, am gonna be there for 4weeks. Woohoo!!! I'm soooo over the moon guys. I get to see my nephew who is now trying to walk, spend time with family, friends and most exciting of all My Luv. *sigh* I can't even begin to explain how excited I am, jst trying to compose myself.

I've been in this Amerix for 3yrs, but 9ja will forever be home. Gawd!!! The food, the people, the love...the fun-times. I'm so excited. The only thing is that unlike previous trips your girl is on a budget, so I'm not buying people stuff...and I feel guilty...I dnt knw why. I've been making my list, checking it off, crossing names out, adding names...I don tire. Times are hard o jare. Besides Momsie jst went and got mad stuff, so abeg mke nobody look my side. Am just gonna get my Grandma and the lil'kids pressies...all the adults should understand biko...I'm still a student, not a working graduate.

Aight guys, I have to go get read for work. Its freezing cold guys, this winter ain't playing games chei!

Have a fabulous weekend guys...and remember the reason for the season.

Talk to you guys soon,

oxo,
Miss Enigma!!!

Size 0...Mini Cougar!!!

Hello Blogsville,
How's everyone doing? Hope gud! Another week is slowing coming to an end again. It seems like this year has been going by sooo fast. Which day did August start here and we're all ready almost mid way. Thanks to everyone who read, or commented on my last post. I'm normally very, very hesistant about putting family 'ish on here but at that point in time...I jst needed an outlet. And u guys are my go to people. The whole matter tire me sef...I have tried to do UnitedNations (as My Luv calls it) and get them to iron things out. But I think when they are both ready, and in their own time they both say what's on their minds. The thing is when u push someone and they dnt retaliate, and you keep pushing, and pushing, and pushing...there's going to come that day when they'll just say they've had enough. Where they say am silent, but am no fool...and that's the point where Momsie is at.

Thanks again for all ur comments and words of encouragement. Oga Roc why did u delete ur comment na...I had already read it, went back to look for it and *poof* it was gone. :( I don't like o.

So on Saturday, I went to see G. I Joe!!! Hmmm...hmmm...hmmm...Channing Tatum is a hottie!!! Totally loved the movie. The gbish gbish gbish was plenty, but hey its summer we dnt need movies that'll makes us cry, or get us thinking and analyzing...we just want a fun movie and that's what it is. So, after the movie, I went to do a lil' bit of shopping, on my way back to the car o, I encounter a young fella and the following convo ensued; Let's call him YF (Young Fella).
Scene: Me walking out a store and behind me are 3 guys, who I ddn't even pay attention to due to my frustration (mre on that later).

YF: Excuse me... Excuse me Miss...

Me: (Turns around, looks at the guy and continued walking...)

YF: Excuse me Miss, I dnt mean no disrespect, I jst wanna talk to you...

Me: (Still walking...and now the guy is walking beside me but at a gud distance) Wat do u wanna talk to me about?

YF: How old are you Miss?

Me: (Raised eyebrow) ...How old are you?!!!

YF: I'm 18...How old are you? Me: (laughter)...Too young for me dear.

YF: Really?

Me: Yup...I think your friends are waiting

YF: They are not my friends, they are my peers

Me: (In my head...ummm ok, but how does that concern me!)...Ok, well have a good day.

YF: Thank you, you too.

My people of blogsville, see this small boy wan turn me to Mini Cougar!Lol...I know I dnt look my age sha o, but haba! But I act my age naaa....my mannerisms are not of an 18yr old biko. Oh well, I take solace in the fact that I shall age gracefully...lol.

Ehen! so the reason why I was walking out of the store frustrated is dis: Is it a crime to be a size 0/XXS/XS...see wahala. Shopping is supposed to be fun and exciting , but no be so oo.I walk into a shop, see something that I like only to discover one of two things:
-It's either they've run out of my size
OR
-The so called "0 or XS/XXS" is really a size 2 or 4.

Is it that all the petite/small figured people go shopping when the store opens abi wetin? Hw come na those sizes dey quick disappear? Meanwhile, I dnt see alot of people of that size walking around, so who is buying the clothes naaa? And why are these stores lying with their sizez claiming its an XS when we both knw its not...who do they think they are helping?

I used to wear XS in Express shirts and they were a perfect fit...only for last year I noticed it ddn't fit again. So I approached the Store Manager and asked o, they guy said they started cutting the sizes bigger...say whhaaat???!!! Where am I supposed to find shirt for work naa? Even the so called special petite sizes at GAP dnt fit!!! But on a more serious note its really frustrating and expensive to have to spend money buying something and then spend extra money to give Obioma (tailor) to adjust the cloth...sometimes its not worth it becos its almost double the price. It really sucks.
Everytime I walk into H&M, Forever21, Express, and co and just look at things I love but cnt have...Please its not a crime to be small in size, we are not anorexic or suffering from any disorder...na as Baba God take make us, dnt mke us feel bad about our bodies and size biko.

Ok this post is long sha oo...Sorry guys! But I love y'all, jst needed to vent, I know y'all understand.


Talk to you soon,
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!

... Gracias

...Let me start off by saying a big Thank you to each and everyone of you for support. With every post, I realize how much of a family Blogsville is; and how I love being part of it. I appreciate you guys, and am thankful.

*************************************************************************************
Whenever I walk into a HomeGoods store, Bed Bath & Beyond or any store that deals with interior decor, furnishings and all that, I always dream of the day I'll have my very own apartment. My space, my concept, my territory...(u get the gist). My Mom has been out of town for a week now, and will be for the next 2wks...meaning I have the apt. to myself, therefore am having a great time living out my dream and enjoying "my space". Right? Wrong!

Sometimes it's nice, I like the peace and quiet. Doing things at my pace (not like I normally do otherwise) and taking responsibility for things and just being. But coming home to an empty apt., surrounded by silence except for the sound of my fingers tapping away on my laptop, the sound of the tv, cars going by; cooking and eating by myself, and then not having anyone to say good-night to...*sighs* am not liking at all. Being able to come home to My Luv wld be nice, and not having to go to bed alone.

In as much as living with someone could be a pain in the behind sometimes, am grateful that I have my Mom. We have our tiffs...lol...who doesn't? But then the great times out weigh the tiffs, and priceless memories are made. Not to forget her yummy cooking...lol.

So the other day I was walking into my office building, and some teenage boys walking past started to holla! I ddn't pay them any mind just dey waka my own dey go; until they started to shout "cutie with the booty..." Shoooo...really? I ddn't turn back o, I jst shook my head and walked in...children of nowadays na wa o!...lol

Aiight people it's 1am and am off to bed!
Thanks again guys!!!

Talk to you guys soon
xoxo,
Miss Enigma!