Thursday, April 14, 2011

How Do You Let Go...

Hello Me Darlings,

Hope everyone is doing great! Everytime I want to update, I start and mid-way give up *sigh* I'm going to make sure I finish and POST this time. The past few weeks have been emotionally draining for me. You know when you want something sooo bad, but can't have it due to diff factors that just aren't properly aligned. And everytime I try to let go of the situation I'm completely reminded of why I want this 'thing' so bad and I'm dragged further down into a depressed, unhappy and then angry state of mind. So on Sunday the sermon was about having hope, and just leaving our problems at the feet of the Lord and not going out the church with them...easier said than done if you ask me.

Like seriously guys how do you let go of a situation and not worry about it? I guess that's the daily challenge/battle that I have to ask God to help me with. Please pray for the spirit of patience, wisdom and reciprocation for me...Thanks!

- I love my job and my team, but the other day I was learning something and then I missed a step and freaked out! Smh...I kept saying to myself this chic teaching me must think I'm a special ed student, I promise I'm not. Oh well, I'm getting a hang of it slowly. :) 

- It funny how sometimes when you begin to second doubt yourself and your abilities, people come out of no way to acknowledge and commend what you do :). It's like a perfectly timed hug! I've mentioned a few times that I do PR as a side gig...I just got a new client and she's good. And I got offered to help out with PR for a big upcoming event, God willing everything goes well. And I also just got offered another regular gig where my voice will be heard :). I'm bursting with excitement, but above all I am humbled that people notice and appreciate what I do. It means a lot to me. 

- So when I look at all the good things that are happening, I can't help but relax a little and just say to myself if He's sending all this good stuff my way He def has a plan for me a plan of good and not of evil...that will prosper me. So I really should just relax, take the back seat and let Him drive. God's been faithful! I can't deny that.

- It was the Boyfie's birthday earlier on this week :) I think I was more excited about it than he was lol. I got someone to deliver cake to him @ work. Babie was all smiles, and just knowing that it made his day made me happy :). I miss him much! But we've got lots of work to do, this distance has got to go soon...Amen!

- I hate the fact that I have to walk down a hill to catch the bus to work...because it discourages me from wearing heels when the weather gets really nice. I mean its not like stilettos, just wedge heels. 

- So Memorial weekend is around the corner...and I think I might be going to the Hampton's with a group of friends :) excited to just take a break.

- I need shopping sites/store suggestions...aside from the usual F21, H&M, Charlotte Russe, American Apparel, Zara...wat other stores are there...that carry nice stuff and any stores for petite people :)

- Does anybody know a good Bible app or devotional. Thanks.

Well, there you have it, a post! I have a meeting in a few mins and I have succeeded in typing up a post. Excuse the random nature but if I try to make it coherent and all I'll end up never posting. Excuse any grammatical errors too. Have an awesome day, and a wonderful weekend ahead!

Love you all bunches!

Hugs & Kisses,
Miss Enigma!           

Monday, April 4, 2011

Thanks for making me feel like CRAP!

...*sigh* Mood swings go up and down like a freaking yo-yo
Few good days, few bad days
Snap! Snap! Snap! goes my temper. Over what?
The littlest things just set the damn thing off! 
Like a pair of shoes not properly placed...Snap!
A simple question being asked...Snap!
Having to clean up after someone...Snap!
Not hearing from him becos of shitty BBM service...Snap!
You get the picture? 

I really shouldn't be in this shitty yo-yo mood phase.
I mean I currently don't have any majors issues bothering me (I think)
You know how when everything is supposed to be great or just fine
The devil finds a way to just mess with you...stirring up drama where there shdn't be any
Why can't I just have that moment where everything's great!

*sigh* There's so much I wanna tell you (and you) but my overly conscious filter wont let me  vent the way I wanna
PS: That talk with you, I know it was supposed to help but...yeah it kinda did
Becos I finally got to hear all you had on your mind all this while
But now I feel like crap! Can't even look myself in the mirror...
Why did you wait this long to say all you had to say? You waited
Waited till I stripped myself bare, naked and vulnerable to my inner most core
We wined and dined in my secret place...a place free of judgement, cross-examination 
And just when I thought all was well and as close to perfect as it could be...
You set me up... placed me on the stand before the jury - yourself
To be judged and cross-examined *sigh*
And then you expect me to fight and defend
How am I supposed to? With what strength? I am drained.
Emotionally. And this is worse than physical strength being taken away.

The irony is, you still want to wine and nothing happened. 
*sigh* I'm even too drained to finish typing this.
Principles. You ask me where my principles are?
I'm not perfect, I make mistakes...and you do too, so where you get off coming to question my principles I don't know... Thing is, I keep my shut becos I hate having to apologize for my rather than say what I really wanna say and then apologize later....I'll fall back....say this, lessons learned!